the time has come.

I've Moved!

2009-02-03T14:37:00.001-06:00

I'm moving over to WordPress. All these posts (including the new one...read it) are over there now.

wchandlerparker.wordpress.com

Thanks for reading.

Worth Fighting For

2009-02-03T13:04:00.003-06:00

If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be too cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.

-Annie Dillard

It's not always going to make sense. I'm learning that consistency in relationships (of all kinds) is key to keeping them going. Inherently, this makes sense, but all too often we have a lot of trouble practicing it. It's not always easy to keep trucking along, especially if you're putting yourself out there, or putting something on the line (your heart, your emotions, your secrets, your time, etc.). And especially if it doesn't seem to be immediately reciprocated. With committed consistency usually comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty usually comes risk. But to really love, to really be loved, to really be known, we have to risk much. We have to put ourselves way out there. Further than what is comfortable. Further than what is logical. Maybe it won't always be worth it. But even for one success amidst a thousand failures, it takes risk. It takes work. It takes consistency. Be consistent today. I'm confident that when that one success reveals itself, it will be better than you could ever have dreamed.

Prickly Thorn, but Sweetly Worn

2009-01-28T14:06:00.001-06:00

I'm trying to think of as many things to update on as I can, but I'm sure I won't be able to think of very much.

-Saw Slumdog Millionaire last night. I think it lived up to (most of) the hype. Well shot, good music, interesting story, great love story. And how cute was the youngest Latika??

-I've had some trouble with my left shoulder for a few years. For a while, it was only a nuisance, but it's gotten to be much more bothersome in the last few months. Like I was telling a friend last night, I'm to the point where I just want a doctor to cut me open and fix whatever is wrong. I've heard a few different opinions on what's going on with it from a chiropractor, an orthopedists, a couple of general doctors, and my sweet mother (she's the best doctor she knows), but I'm sick of getting different answers and I'm sick of it hurting. Cut me open and take the bad out. Thank you.

-The Auburn women's basketball game was easily the best moment in Auburn sports in what has been a pretty bad senior year for me sports-wise. 12,000 people in Beard Eaves for a women's game was pretty impressive. And so is 20-0. I hope we can keep it going. Mark my words, if we make it to the Final Four, I'm going.

-I'm sad to report that, as of Saturday, I am the only member of the "Porch House Crew" left in Auburn. I see this crew as Oldham, Stewart, Chase, Austin, Nathan, Tanner, and me (I guess Jay counts, but he won't read this). Stew left this weekend for a semester of studying abroad in Italy. This year just continues to get more and more strange. Where did all my best friends go?

-I've been spending a lot of time with GarageBand. It's been good to learn by doing, and to slowly become more and more comfortable with hearing my voice.

-Like any college senior, the last few months have been filled with this question: "What are you doing after you graduate?" A couple of days ago, all of these conversations came to a head, and I had a bit of a personal crisis. I was sick of saying "I don't know!" I've been through the gamut of every possible idea...Boston, Seattle, Nashville, Birmingham, Boulder, Kenya, non-profits, teaching, charter schools, US Foreign Services, AIM, Teach for America, IJM, music. Nothing feels perfect. I don't feel any real pull to anything. No doors are opening. I'm frustrated. Actually, I'm way past frustrated. I know that most people in my position go through this. Don't tell me that. Don't tell me to just pray about it. I am. Don't tell me that I'll figure it out. I know that I will, eventually.

Last night, in my never-ending perusing of the World Wide Web, I came back to something that I've looked at a couple of times: The Peace Corps. I noticed that, after a year of having their people pulled out of Kenya after political strife and violence that originated in December of 2007, they're back. And that's exciting. I'm going to be looking into it much more. MUCH more.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

2009-01-21T14:16:00.003-06:00

All of the preparations have been made. People have spent hours upon hours in front of their computer screens or televisions in order to get ready (catch up) for January 21st. The friends and family have been invited over. The Tivos have been set. Finally, the wait is over.

Millions and millions of Americans will be in front of their flatscreens tonight, hoping to find out where the island has been moved to. Their questions are many. Why was Locke in the casket? And why were they referring to him as Jeremy Bentham? Is Jin really dead? How will the Oceanic 6 get back to the island?

Even if one of these questions is answered tonight, there will likely be ten more once the final word pops up on that screen and we hear that familiar sound effect. Every commercial break, we'll look around at our friends, wondering what in the hell just happened, and what could possibly happen next.

It's official. LOST-mania is upon us.

Never has a show gripped American television audiences quite like LOST has since 2004. We all know the premise of the show, and we all know that, if one were to try to start watching tonight without any prior knowledge, they would be asking so many questions that they would miss most of the show.

LOST fans are crazy. There are hundreds of websites and message boards devoted to the show. People like to come up with theories about where the plot is going next and about certain mysterious parts of the show like the Smoke Monster and Jacob. Fans are polarized about almost every character, but there are some who are universally hated. And in most cases, these characters are killed off. Take Ana Lucia Cortez for instance. I hated her, you hated her, pretty much everyone hated her. There was nothing to her character, and Michelle Rodriguez (why is she famous?) did a pretty crappy job of acting. From her introduction in Season 2 to her eventual demise later in the same season, I hoped that every episode I watched would be her last.

Isn't it funny that we get so invested in a show that we hope for a character to be killed off? And that we get online and postulate what could and should happen in future episodes? We Tivo it. We watch it twice. We yell, we scream, we cry. We read reviews afterwards. LOST fans are crazy. I'm crazy about LOST. I've watched about 45 episodes in the last 2 weeks to get ready for tonight. My mind is full of Desmond's flashes and Claire's screams for her "BABY!!!!!!". Maybe I am crazy. Maybe we all are. But this show is good on so many levels. So let me enjoy my crush on Juliet. Let me enjoy the never-ending plot twists. Let me be the only one who doesn't really like Jack. Let me be obsessed with getting LOST.

In the New Year.

2009-01-12T14:03:00.004-06:00

It's really tough to return to posting regularly after having been gone for so long. Internet access was shoddy, at best. Time became more and more precious after Christmas. Trips, friends, and festivities took up almost all of my time, but it was enjoyed.

Extended breaks that involve going home (Hoover) are increasingly tough as I get older and more disconnected from that place. Times are changing. Home reminds me of things past, and things that are no longer a part of my life. And "home" is a term that is changing meanings. Auburn feels more like home than Bluff Park. But Auburn doesn't always feel like home either. Home is where the people I love are. Yes, I love my mom and my grandmother, and it was excellent to be in their presence for a few weeks of laughter, good food, good talks, and relaxation. But my little brother, who I feel more and more disconnected with every day, was MIA for most of the break. Something about a girl in Tuscaloosa. And I love my older brother, sister-in-law, and beautiful niece and nephews. It was wonderful to play with them and hold Sam. I got to go with Stokes see Connie play with Red Mountain at Workplay, and that was an excellent night. My family is great, and I am thankful for them and love them and thank God for them.

But home took a different shape over this break. I think this is cliche nowadays, but home is a mindset. I felt at home with 5 kids in our house on an otherwise lazy, low-key Christmas Day, but home was more evident in my friends in Nashville and Boulder, and most evident in my strong desire to get back to Auburn for what is my last semester of school.

Nashville was great. I loved ringing in the New Year and my birthday with Auburn friends at a downtown establishment which I would otherwise never call "my kind of place". I loved seeing people in Nashville I haven't seen in a while. Boulder was great. It's a beautiful place. It was so good to see many of my friends from the Kenya trip. But I felt extremely disconnected from them, to be honest. It's a somewhat sobering thought to realize that you can still love people, but realize that you've all changed so much that you are nothing like them anymore. Not that it's bad or anyone's fault. Just something that happens, and it's hard to realize until you spend some time with them.

The whole time, thoughts of Auburn had a tight grip on me. I was sick of festivities. Christmas, New Years, my birthday, and a huge reunion were all great, but I was ready for it all to be over. I was ready to be in Auburn. I was ready to be home.

I'm home now. Life is back to normal. Not routine, just normal. Normal can be good sometimes. This is the beginning of the end of a quite interesting chapter of my life. Here's to having even more fun, and making even more memories, than I've made in the last 3 1/2 years. Let the final laps of this race begin. And let the location and details of the next race reveal themselves soon.

"Veil their faces to the presence..."

2008-12-23T16:53:00.002-06:00

Let all mortal flesh keep silence

and with fear and trembling stand.

Ponder nothing earthly-minded,

for with blessing in His hand,

Christ our God to Earth, descended,

our full homage to demand.

King of kings, yet born of Mary,

as of old on Earth he stood,

Lord of lords, in human vesture,

in the body and the blood;

He will give to all the faithful

His own self for heavenly food.

Rank on rank the host of heaven

spreads its vanguard on the way,

as the Light of light descendeth

from the realms of endless day,

that the powers of hell may vanish

as the darkness clears away.

At His feet the six-winged seraph,

cherubim, with sleepless eye,

veil their faces to the presence,

as with ceaseless voice they cry:

Alleluia, Alleluia

Alleluia, Lord, most high.

-Liturgy of St. James

Inspired.

2008-12-21T16:35:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning I was awoken by my grandmother standing next to my bed, quietly trying to wake me up, yet also trying to not disturb my slumber. She always acts this way... forceful, yet subtle. A gentle soul, never wanting to encroach on me or my goings on. As an adjective to describe her, "selfless" does not even come close.

8:00 AM at my house usually means very little. My mother is taking advantage of this time in her life. She has trouble sleeping as it is, so I don't normally expect her to be up. My younger sibling is a night owl, always being social, or the life of the party, usually both. I like to think that getting up early while home for the holidays is a good idea. In practice, however, it rarely happens. But Meme is always up by 7. Making coffee (for us), although most of the coffee the day before got poured out. Sugar, spoons, cups, and travel mugs all set out. Reading the paper, then leaving the Sports section on top when she's done, because she knows that's where I go first. Making sure the kitchen is spotless, even if she had already done so the night before. Every dish clean. Trying to be as quiet as possible, so as to not wake the rest of us late sleepers. She always apologizes for being loud, even though I never hear her.

Meme woke me yesterday to tell me that her brother, my great uncle, needed some help, and would be there in an hour to pick me up. No details, but I always know what this means. Harold has been building brick mailboxes, along with doing other brick and stone work, around Birmingham for around 12 years (after retiring from working for the US Postal Service). He's old. I would guess around 86. He has no business doing what he does. He doesn't need the money. He's had a stroke and hurt himself multiple times the last couple of years. He's hard of hearing. He's a terrible driver. But yesterday he finished his 580th mailbox. He often needs help lifting large cement blocks that go on top of the mailboxes he usually builds. You've probably seen many around Birmingham. If my brother or I are home, he comes calling. He would do it by himself if he could, but it's just not possible. Yesterday was no different. We lifted two huge cement blocks onto the top of his newest creation. Even with a third person's help, it was tougher than its ever been. He's not getting any younger. And I'm not the strongest guy around. But we got it done. Just like always. 580 mailboxes completed, and I guarantee you as long as he is alive he won't quit.

What an inspiration these two older relatives are. And how lazy they make me feel! 86 and 80 years old, still work regular jobs. When Meme isn't working, she's always DOING something. Always. She stays up late. She gets up early. Cooking, cleaning, reading, working in the yard, visiting her widowed friends in nursing homes who have little family. She rarely relaxes. She never stops. Harold works outside, whether in the 100 degree heat or the 25 degree winters, 6 days a week. He still collects aluminum cans to take and exchange for money. Money he doesn't need. He pays me $20 every time I help him, which is ridiculous for the amount of work I do (although I might deserve that much for daring to ride in his truck with him!). In other words, he's giving. He's selfless.

Two extremely hard working, extremely selfless individuals. Both of whom probably have no business doing the things they do. But they're Nalls. There are a total of 7 kids. They're all this way. Hard-working. Selfless. Inspiring. My mom and I often joke that the Nalls are going to live forever, because despite almost all of their spouses having died (sometimes more than one spouse), they have all lived. And besides one who's in a nursing home, they are all active and busy. Compared to them, my sleeping until 10:00 AM and sitting around the house watching sports all day during my "break" from school is embarrassing. It's obvious that God put them in my life to give me something to work towards. To aspire to. I'm constantly being inspired to aspire.

Best of 2008 in Music, Part 2

2008-12-19T13:37:00.002-06:00

Albums I never thought I’d say I like:

Nine Inch Nails: The Slip

-Maybe I just never even heard them to give them a chance, but this album was nothing like I imagined it would be. I enjoyed it a good bit.

Kanye West: 808s and Heartbreak

-He's the most self-absorbed person in show business, in my opinion. And I don't know what I think about his new affinity for using Auto-Tune when he sings, because on SNL last week he was out of tune a LOT. Despite all of that, this is pretty cool stuff.

Albums that I probably would have liked more had I had more time with them:

The Airborne Toxic Event: (Self-titled)

MGMT: Oracular Spectacular (Bobby Parker loves this)

Black Kids: Partie Traumatic

Deerhunter: Microcastle

Delta Spirit: Ode to Sunshine (Can’t stop listening to this…probably would have been top 10)

The Gaslight Anthem: The ’59 Sound

Good Old War: Only Way to Be Alone (Same as Delta Spirit)

Newton Faulkner: Hand Built By Robots

The Hold Steady: Stay Positive

I’m From Barcelona: Who Killed Harry Houdini?

Jose Gonzalez: In Our Nature

LCD Soundsystem: Sound of Silver

Nada Surf: Lucky

Katie Herzig: Apple Tree

The Killers: Day & Age (This one might be too big/much for its own good.)

William Fitzsimmons: The Sparrow and the Crow

No Age: Nouns

Working for a Nuclear City: Businessmen and Ghosts

And now, my top 30 favorite albums of 2008 (Keep in mind, there are probably plenty that I haven't even heard. That's why I use the word "favorite" instead of "best". Who am I to say what is best?)

30) She and Him: Volume 1

-This had to be on the list because of my new affinity for Zooey Deschanel (one half of this duo with popular guitarist M. Ward). I’m developing quite the crush. I need to see Yes Man.

29) Kathleen Edwards: Asking For Flowers

-Saw her perform at Workplay last spring, and really liked her sound. Good little album from the Canadian singer/songwriter.

28) The Whigs: Mission Control

-Good ol’ Athens, Georgia rock and roll.

27) Sandra McCracken: Red Balloon

-Not as good as her last one, Gravity/Love, but nonetheless a good one. I love hearing Derek Webb doing background duties, and her version of The High Countries, a song she wrote about the CS Lewis book The Great Divorce that Caedmon’s Call originally recorded, is really moving.

26) Jon McLaughlin: OK Now

-This one is almost a disappointment for me, but I think I just expected too much. And after seeing him perform live twice, no amount of disappointing albums could convince me that this man doesn’t have something special.

25) Ryan Adams: Cardinology

-Probably couldn’t put out a bad one if he tried.

24) My Morning Jacket: Evil Urges

-Weird stuff, but good stuff. One of America’s best young bands.

23) Gnarls Barkley: The Odd Couple

-Danger Mouse is a genius.

22) Dave Barnes: Me and You and the World

-I thought this one was going to be disappointing for the first few months after its release. But now I think I get it, and for it being only his first album on a label, he’s got a long career ahead of him. Probably has a career in comedy as well. Best of all, John Mayer likes him.

21) Panic at the Disco: Pretty. Odd.

-I shouldn’t like this band. But this album is just plain fun. Lush arrangements and fun punk harmonies.

20) Death Cab for Cutie: Narrow Stairs

-Another band everyone loves to either love or hate. Little bit of a rockier edge to this one, but I enjoyed it much.

19) The Black Keys: Attack and Release

-Bluesy rock. Produced by Danger Mouse. They have a very "throwback" sound to them. Gotta love it.

18) Kings of Leon: Only By the Night

-Not as reckless as their older stuff, but this is still a great album. Sex on Fire is one of the best songs of the year.

17) Ray Lamontagne: Gossip in the Grain

-Another solid release from the man with my favorite voice in all of music. I like to see that he’s developing his sound and trying different things.

16) Gabe Dixon Band: (self-titled)

-Likeable piano pop. Gabe can play the crap out of the piano and has a deceptively powerful voice.

15) Fleet Foxes: (self-titled)

-3-part folk harmonies that sound like they were recorded in a racquetball court. Never heard anything quite like this.

Favorite songs: White Winter Hymnal, Ragged Wood

14) TV on the Radio: Dear Science

-One of the hardest bands out there for me to understand, but I still like this album a lot. Don’t even know how to describe it.

Favorite songs: Halfway Home, Golden Age

13) Mates of State: Rearrange Us

-New to this husband and wife piano-based duo. Fun harmonies. Fun music.

Favorite songs: The Re-Arranger, Get Better

12) Sigur Ros: Med Sud I Eyrum Vid Spilum Endalaus

-Icelandic jibberish lyrics. Lush arrangements. This one is definitely a step in a different direction. There’s even a song in English!

Favorite songs: Ara Batur, Festival

11) Act of Congress: Declaration

-More Birmingham goodness. Bluegrass meets pop. A poor man’s Nickel Creek.

Favorite songs: The Nature of Things, The Well

10) John Mayer: Where the Light Is

-John Mayer doing what John Mayer does best. Playing the heck out of a guitar. I love that this concert featured all three facets of John’s “game”: an acoustic set, a set with the John Mayer Trio (which showcases his blues chops), and a full-band set. I will say that I’m a little sick of hearing about JM’s take on the Tom Petty classic Free Fallin’. It's good, but the people most obsessed with it have probably never even listened to another Tom Petty song in their life.

Favorite song: In Your Atmosphere

9) Punch Brothers: Punch

-This is Chris Thile’s (of Nickel Creek fame) band. The are pushing the envelope of bluegrass. The highlight and main focus of this album is the 42-minute, four movement chamber suite for bluegrass instruments called “The Blind Leaving the Blind”. I’ve never heard anything like it, that’s for sure.

Favorite song that’s not part of “TBLTB”: I Know You Know (actually, it’s a bonus track, but it’s excellent)

8) Ari Hest: 52

-This one isn’t really an “album”. After leaving his record label, Ari decided to put out a song every week in 2008, and dubbed the project 52. Most of these songs are recorded on his own laptop, in his apartment or on the road somewhere in a hotel. Often times he will send the songs to his friends to add electric guitars, drums, bass, and others instruments, but many of them have just been Ari and a guitar. I think out of 50 songs so far, there has only been one that I didn’t even appreciate. I’d say 45 out of 50 have been really good songs, which is quite an accomplishment. He plans to take a fan vote of the best ones and release an album of the most popular 12 re-mastered tracks.

My favorites: Sky Blue, Erica, What Story I Am On, Making the Move, Never Look Back

7) Coldplay: Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends

-I know a lot of people want to hate Coldplay, and others want to hate this newest album because it’s a lot different. But for me it’s a HUGE step in a great new direction. It’s hard to ignore that this is a great album.

Best songs: Lovers in Japan, Violet Hill, Death and All His Friends

6) Wild Sweet Orange: We Have Cause to be Uneasy

-The Birmingham-based band who I never wanted to give a chance has knocked me off my feet with their debut major-label album. So much EMOTION on this one. I think the lead singer, Preston Lovinggood, went to Hoover High, too. Maybe we’ll finally have a famous alum who isn’t a fledgling athlete or former MTV star wannabe.

Best songs: Ten Dead Dogs, Tilt, Aretha’s Gold

5) Andrew Peterson: Resurrection Letters, Volume 2

-Again, I’ve dedicated a long post to this album in particular. Again I will say, Andrew Peterson is a poet in a musician’s body. Love this album, love his other albums.

Favorite song: Don’t Give Up On Me

4) Matthew Perryman Jones: Swallow the Sea

-MPJ’s first album, Throwing Punches in the Dark, is probably my favorite album of the last 3 years, so I had high hopes for this one. It fortunately didn’t really disappoint. The songs are bigger in their production, but there’s still something about MPJ’s voice and songwriting that gets me. There are some artists that just seem to have an “it” that draws me in, and he has that. I long for more people to hear his music, because everyone I’ve introduced him to loves it.

Favorite song: Feels Like Letting Go

Song to get acclimated: Save You

3) Frightened Rabbit: The Midnight Organ Flight

-Frightened Rabbit is a Scottish indie rock band that I was introduced to earlier this year, soon after this album came out. I was drawn in by their song My Backwards Walk and its repetitive ending line, “You’re the sh*t and I’m knee deep in it”. Vulgar? Maybe so. But catchy? Unfortunately yes. And just wait until you hear Keep Yourself Warm. That line has nothing on some of the subject matter in that song. But still, I love it. The best word I can think of to describe this band is “reckless”. And the lead singer’s voice is just so damn cool. I bet their live show is outstanding.

Favorite song: Good Arms vs. Bad Arms

Song to get acclimated: Old Old Fashioned

2) Ben Shive: The Ill-Tempered Klavier

-I’ve already had a lengthy post about this one, but after hearing Ben perform one of these songs live the other night, it reminded me of just how much I love this album. He was already one of my favorite producers and session musicians, having worked with Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz, Andrew Peterson, Jill Phillips, Derek Webb, and others, but now he can be called one of my favorite singer-songwriters. The piano-based songs are catchy and fun, but with much underlying sentimentality. New favorite part of the CD: the bass line on Out of Tune.

Favorite song: She Is the Rising Sun

Best song to get acclimated: Out of Tune

1) Bon Iver: For Emma, Forever Ago

-What can I say about this album that hasn’t already been said? Justin Vernon, under the moniker of Bon Iver (a purposeful misspelling of the French for “good winter”) has created a masterpiece, and he did it cooped up in a cabin. This is not your mom’s “guy and a guitar” folk album though. The two months Vernon spent clearing his head in the Wisconsin wilderness produced this nine-song beauty that features him singing in a weird falsetto, turning himself into a lush choir on many tracks, and playing seemingly random percussion craziness on a few songs. But somehow he’s managed to make something that has caught my attention and hasn’t let it go since May. Most of the songs on the album are sad, but all of them are poignant in their own way. Metaphors that I don’t always understand. Stories that don’t seem like they could have really happened, yet for some reason I believe that they did. I have a fear that this could be a one-hit wonder type of act, but he nailed this one. May not be for everyone, but it got me.

Favorite song: re:stacks

Best song to get acclimated: Skinny Love

So, there are mine. What are yours? What did I miss out on this year? And feel free to tell me if you hate any of those albums that I liked. And definitely check them all out if you're looking for something new or are just curious. I know I tend to have musical taste that is pretty schizophrenic, but most of all, I appreciate someone who is obviously talented and is obviously MUSICAL.

2008 Music Lists, Part 1

2008-12-18T14:04:00.003-06:00

So this is going to be a big one, in terms of length. I figure that's OK because I only post once a week anyway. And I want to get it out of the way in one post for all of you who don't care about what music I listen to, that way I don't stretch it out into 4 or 5 posts and lose more of that huge readership I carry. So, without further ado, I give you my music picks (and misses) of the year 2008. It's been a pretty good year for music. Maybe not quite as good as last year in some ways, but also better in others.

(EDIT: After careful consideration, I've decided to do this in two parts. Sorry music haters.)

First, the best Albums that weren’t from ’08, but that I discovered some time this year:

Fernando Ortega: The Shadow of Your Wings

Andrew Bird: Armchair Apochrypa

The Avett Brothers: Emotionalism

Brooke Fraser: Albertine

Dario Marianelli: Atonement Soundtrack (Check out this movie too...one of my favorites)

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova: The Swell Season

Jars of Clay: Good Monsters (after a few bad albums, they're BACK)

Matt Nathanson: Some Mad Hope

Manchester Orchestra: I'm Like a Virgin Losing a Child

Menomena: Friend and Foe

Over the Rhine: Drunkard's Prayer

Patrick Watson: Close to Paradise

Spoon: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga

The Weepies: Say I Am You

Travis: The Boy With No Name

My Favorite EPs:

Matt Pond PA: The Freeep

-I think they’ve been having some personnel troubles, so I wasn’t expecting any new stuff for a while. But then they all of a sudden put this free EP on their website, and it’s really good stuff. Thanks to Austin for turning me on to what has become one of my very favorite bands.

Jon Foreman: Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall

-I know some of these were actually released in ’07, but I like to think of them as a 2008 project. Great acoustic songs from the lead singer of Switchfoot. Also, Jon is releasing an album with Sean Watkins from Nickel Creek (as Fiction Family) in January, and I’m REALLY looking forward to that one.

Derek and Sandra: Ampersand

-My favorite musical married couple (besides my own brother and his wife) released a little EP of duets this year that is really great.

Andrew Osenga: Letters to the Editor, Vol. 2

-Rules were: one electric guitar per song, no personnel but Andy (except his wife on Canada), and the song ideas came from fans. I liked Volume 1 better, but this one is still great.

Coldplay: Prospekt’s March

-Wasn’t expecting much out of this one, but it turned out to be really really really really really good. The previously unreleased songs probably wouldn’t have fit on Viva la Vida (the album whose sessions they came from), but they are still excellent songs and I’m glad Coldplay released them.

Biggest Disappointments:

Ben Folds: Way to Normal

-Nothing about this album did anything for me. Such a huge failure after the beauty of Songs for Silverman.

Bebo Norman: (Self-titled)

-This one just doesn't work for me. It's an attempt at being too commercial, and is such a huge departure from the Bebo that I grew up loving that I can't get into it at all. It seems like he's going to be doing this sort of thing for the rest of his career, so I guess I ought to just get used to it, because he'll always be one of my favorites ever.

Brooke Waggoner: Heal for the Honey

-I liked this one at first, but it just never drew me in to where I wanted to listen to it more than just a couple of times. I think she's immensely talented, and it's not that I think this is a bad album. I just don't like it near as much as her original EP, Fresh Pair of Eyes.

The Dears: Missiles

-Again, I loved their last one, but I don't get this one yet. Maybe it will grow on me.

Matt Wertz: Under Summer Sun

-Failure. It's his first major label release, and he basically re-released mostly old songs with little changes in production, and added 4 VERY average new ones. He's got nothing on Dave Barnes.

Girl Talk: Feed the Animals

-Cool idea, probably fun in a live setting. But splicing rap songs and others popular songs isn't for me. Sorry Emily Stewart.

Most overrated album:

Vampire Weekend: (Self-titled)

-This is one that all the cool kids seem to love, and is probably on everyone's top 10 list. But it doesn't do it for me at all.

From a Distance

2008-12-10T16:48:00.005-06:00

My final year at Auburn has been markedly different than the past three. This is true for many reasons, but one of the main ones is my decision to end my AU Singers career. This was not an easy decision last spring. I was nervous about what I would do with all of my time. I knew that, no matter how much I tried to keep up with those Singers friends, it wouldn't be easy and I probably wouldn't see much of them. But I knew that the decision was the right one. My heart wasn't in it. I hated rehearsal. I wasn't having fun.

Throughout this semester, I have been building upon my Singers-less life slowly. First, it was the first Tuesday of class, when at 3:30 PM, I wasn't in Goodwin rehearsing. It was such a strange feeling, but it was great. Next, I attended rehearsal a few times as a mere spectator. Again, a weird feeling (and they sounded awesome that first day I went back), but I still knew I had made the right decision. Sounds of Auburn in November brought the first time I had seen them actually perform this year. I, honestly, was kind of underwhelmed, and still didn't regret my decision to not be in the group. But this past Sunday was the ultimate test. Fall Show. This is what the entire semester builds up to for an Auburn University Singer. This is big time, the culmination of three and a half months of work.

To be honest, my expectations were not very high. I knew it would be entertaining, but I didn't expect what I got. They were incredible. They sounded great. They looked great. The solos were great. The entire show was just really, really impressive. They exceeded my expectations by far. I enjoyed it so much that I went back Monday night, and it was even better. It is a really weird feeling being on the other side of it: not having gone through all the work, not being SO tired after 5 shows in 3 days, not having a week full of rehearsals the week before the show to go along with a full load of schoolwork. But, regardless of it all, I still don't regret it. My time was up. I got out at the right time. I am so proud of all of my friends who are still there. They did a wonderful job, moving me to fist pumps, tears, and huge smiles many times. They know that I'm their harshest critic, and they impressed that harsh critic, very much so.

Behold the Lamb of God

2008-12-08T16:59:00.003-06:00

I've been wanting to write this post for months, but I waited until it was more relevant. Today I am here to tell you about the very thing that changed Christmas for me. Before Christmas '07, I don't think I ever really "got it". It was just a time for stress, presents, and food. Sometime in the middle of '07, I purchased a copy of Andrew Peterson's album Behold the Lamb of God. I had always been a big AP fan, and knew that this CD existed, but for some reason had always shied away from it. I never thought I would like it for some reason. The song titles were weird. It was a Christmas album. I never thought Christmas could be cool. But I have never been more wrong. Not only do I have a huge appreciation for Christmas music now, but this album turned out to easily be the best Christmas album I own, and probably in my top 5 albums I've ever heard.

BTLOG is more than your average Christmas album, however. And it's also not your run-of-the-mill Andrew Peterson album. This is a collaborative effort, on so many levels. It features many artists who are among my favorites (and also many other musicians who I love), including Derek Webb, Jill Phillips, Andy Gullahorn, Ben Shive, Andrew Osenga, Sandra McCracken, Fernando Ortega, Ron Block (from Union Station), Randall Goodgame, Laura Story (she wrote "Indescribable"), Gabe Scott, and others.

The album takes a path through the Christmas story, albeit a strange path. But only strange in its completeness. The first 4 or 5 songs focus on Old Testament stories, setting the scene for the coming of our Savior as the people long for Him. The rest of the songs deal with His birth. Unmistakably Biblical words fill these songs. As usual, Andrew Peterson has it together lyrically. There are way too many passages to even quote one, but the highlights for me are the final declaration in "So Long, Moses" and basically all of the remarkably beautiful "Labour of Love". The liner notes have references to the actual verses/passages, so if you decide to get this, try to get the actual CD.

Musically, it's excellent as well. Lots of variety, a couple of instrumentals ("O Come, O Come, Emmanuel" might the only recognizable song on the album), and many, many beautiful and memorable moments. Ben Shive's string arrangements are killer, as always.

I can sit and talk about this album all day, because it means that much to me. I don't think I really had a very good grasp on the Christmas season and what it means to me as a Believer until I heard and really digested this album. It was the impulse of a change in me last year that has carried over to this year, and hopefully will continue until I leave this world. We ought not take for granted how important this Advent season is.

Like I said, I can't recommend BTLOG enough. Please, please, please, please find a way to get this album. I can almost guarantee that it will change Christmas for you. I know that it has for me, and others in my life. If you do get it, let me know. It really means a lot to me, and it will mean a lot more to me to know that it had an impact on someone else.

Lastly, as an awesome bonus, Andrew Peterson and Friends tour this album every Christmas, and will be in Birmingham on December 15th performing at Oak Mountain Presbyterian. They'll also be in Huntsville the night before, and in Nashville at the Ryman on the 18th (if none of those three work for you, check here for the rest of the dates). I saw it last year and it was incredible, obviously. At these concerts, they go through in an "in-the-round" style and each play a couple of their own songs, then take a break, and play BTLOG from beginning to end without stopping. Peterson feels that this is how it is supposed to be heard, and I totally agree. It fits together perfectly. It needs all of the parts. If you can, try to make it to one of these concerts. I'll be attending the one in Birmingham, and probably the Nashville one as well. You're welcome to sit with me. You WILL NOT be disappointed.

"From you, O Bethlehem, Small among Judah,

a Ruler will come, Ancient and Strong".

-So Long, Moses (from BTLOG)

sharing.

2008-12-01T13:55:00.003-06:00

this weekend, while at home, i got to go to oak mountain presbyterian church. i may have talked here before about how much i enjoy this church (i feel certain that i have). i took my new birmingham buddy chase along with me to the 10:45 service, expecting to worship through song and a scripture-based, thought-provoking, extremely challenging message from bob flayhart. i got wonderful music, but instead of bob's message, the plans for the service were a little bit different. bob announced that today there would be a time of sharing. a time to give an encouraging word to the body of believers. a time to share joys and struggles with a room full of people who are just as broken and just as pitiful and just as sinful as the next person. it was something i didn't and wouldn't expect in a church so large. but it was really beautiful. i heard the story of a woman struggling with breast cancer. a man shared how his ten month old daughter, who is 100% deaf, is going to receive cochlear implants, after it looked for a while like this wouldn't get to happen because of an insurance mix-up. i heard of a marriage that had ended in divorce after the husband had gotten caught up in some bad stuff, only to have the Lord bring them back together again to re-marry. these stories of real, broken, struggling people are such an encouragement. on one hand, it makes me appreciate how good i have it... that i don't have some terminal illness or a daughter with an ailment she could be stricken with for the rest of her life. but on the other hand, it shows me that, when i struggle with things and feel really alone in that sadness and struggle, i'm not alone. everyone has demons. and we need others at these times of trial. we are necessarily called into community as followers of Christ. it's so easy to forget that. we NEED each other. desperately.

bob made the comment many times during the time of sharing that "our church is a safe place". while i don't necessarily have a "church" home, my friends are my church. these believers are my safe place. how frequently i forget this.

a place of rest and vision.

2008-11-24T11:51:00.003-06:00

i got to spend this weekend up in the Appalachian foothills on Chandler Mountain, which is home to Gallant, Alabama and the one and only Camp Sumatanga. it was nice to see plenty of old friends, most of which i only see once (or twice, now) a year. the best part about the weekend was that we didn't really DO anything. it involved a lot of board games, random conversation topics, and a ton of laughter.

one thing i did DO this weekend was take some pictures with a good camera. dugger brought her canon SLR and i, once again, was reminded how much i love taking pictures with a good camera. it seems as though everyone and their mom is a photographer these days, and i don't think i can really afford to spend $500+ on a camera right now, but i really enjoy it a lot. i posted some on facebook...most of those were taken by dugger herself, but i took a few and edited them all.

so after a weekend of rest and vision (and laughter), i am home in birmingham for a week. normally these trips home are good in ways, and not so good in others. i usually get bored easily, which causes me to think too much (see boy meets girl post). but this break will be filled to the brim. i have those three papers i mentioned, a new nephew to see, thanksgiving with my family (and special guest chase fergy-ferg), and other friends i want to spend some time with. i'm thankful for this break, and thankful for birmingham. it really is a great city. and having some college friends move back here makes me feel like, if i had too, i could live her for some amount of time after college and not be absolutely miserable.

but boston is looking like a real possibility.

i just found out chris thile's band punch brothers is playing at the OPAC in january. that's huge news. if you're in auburn, you should go with me.

i hope everyone has a great thanksgiving break, whatever that means for you. may it be filled with rest, vision, laughter, and good food. and be thankful for what we have. we are blessed beyond measure.

updates.

2008-11-17T21:48:00.002-06:00

i don't have any elaborate post planned out tonight, but just wanted to update on a few things:

-sam, my 4 day old nephew, was put in the ICU today for some type of breathing problem. i don't know a whole lot about what's going on, other than my mom said that it happens a lot with babies. but still, scary. if you pray, please do so.

-today, i received my early christmas present that i bought for myself. a new macbook. i'm obviously extremely excited about it. that's really all there is to say. once you go mac, you never go back.

-today was, thank goodness, the last speech i have to give in public speaking. i know i shouldn't care at all about a stupid freshman core class, but i honestly think i got more stressed about that class this semester than any others.

-i'm really looking forward to the upcoming break, but unfortunately it will be filled with a good bit of school work, including papers for drs. johnson and widell on books that have yet to be read. but i am also excited to get to spend time with some of my auburn friends who now call birmingham home.

-the situation discussed in "sunday storytime" has been somewhat resolved in practice, but it doesn't feel resolved in my soul. something is still off there, and i guess only time will fully heal that very real and very open wound.

-recently i've been feeling drawn towards wanting to teach next year. maybe at a charter school or something similar. i know i don't really want to teach somewhere where it isn't appreciated. thoughts?

i haven't done this in a while, but thanks for reading, those of you who consistently do. it means a lot when i hear that you guys read and enjoy this. it makes me want to keep writing, even though sometimes posts are lame like this one. you are all appreciated.

third.

2008-11-14T12:45:00.001-06:00

this morning, my brother and his wife gave birth to a new baby boy. sam bennett skellie. i don't have a weight or a picture yet, but i'll update when i know more. all i know is that mother and baby are doing fine, and that he looks like his brother and sister!

exciting times.

into the storehouse.

2008-11-10T23:31:00.003-06:00

malachi 3: 9-12

"you are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. and thereby, PUT ME TO THE TEST, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing UNTIL THERE IS NO MORE NEED."

just as God tells Israel that they are robbing Him of His tithe in this story, we do it 2,000 years later. not just of our tithe, but of our hearts. we owe Him all of us, and we fail to sufficiently give ourselves to Him daily. as i heard it put tonight in a song, He is JEALOUS for us. that is beautiful. and in that verse above, He DARES Israel to not trust Him. it's the same way with us. He dares us to surrender to Him, just so He can be completely sufficient for our every need, desire, care, want, and fear. He's saying, "you have all this truth at your fingertips. all this knowledge about who I am. you know I am Good. you know I am the Giver of life, the Beginning and the End. I am in all things. all things happen and are because of ME. yet you do not trust Me. I DARE you to trust me. just try Me. see what happens. go ahead. I will bless you and lead you and help you so greatly and so sufficiently and so completely and so perfectly that you will have NO MORE NEED. None. try Me."

try Him. go ahead. pray, wait, and EXPECT Him to work. He will. He dares us to not believe that.

disappointed.

2008-11-07T16:16:00.006-06:00

tuesday night, a historic thing happened in our country. november 4th, 2008 will go down in the annals of history as the night that america changed, hopefully for the better. some have even said it was the day that the civil rights movement really "ended". or the real beginning of race reconciliation in the US. who knows if any of these bold statements are true, or will turn out to be true, but i think we can all agree, regardless of party lines or beliefs, that history was made, and it really was a beautiful thing. i thought BO gave an excellent acceptance speech, and i thought JM gave an equally impressive concession speech. i was impressed with the way he put down those who were booing and yelling in his less-than-impressive crowd of supporters. my disappointment in these JM supporters leads me to the real point of this post.

facebook statuses. regardless of whether we want to admit it or not, 99.9% of us have facebook accounts that we check pretty regularly, some more regularly than others. on tuesday night, as history was being made, it was tough to enjoy it after seeing the things people were saying on ol' FB. i was embarrassed to live in the south, and embarassed for a lot of these so-called facebook "friends". i wrote down many of these statuses and comments, so let me share just a few with you, as examples (imagine names behind each of these. i'm obviously not going to use names...that's not the point of this). on some, i will follow with a little bit of commentary, and maybe that will ruffle some feathers. we'll see. i'm not trying to, but this is just how i see things. i am a flawed, wretched sinner just as we all are):

"...can't wait for the socialist takeover."

-i realize that BO's potential policies of "redistribution of wealth" may seem really scary to some. but to say that our country is going to become "socialist" is a reach. and guess what? campaign "promises" often do not come to fruition without serious and major overhaul.

"...is scared for the country! i would leave and go somewhere else but i am going to have the shit taxed out of me now."

-i don't follow. is there a new "leave the country" tax in BO's plan? if there is, please correct me, and i'll also make sure not to leave the country.

"...says goodbye checks and balances."

-does a dem majority in the senate and house and a dem president REALLY mean the END of checks and balances? relax.

"...HIS MIDDLE NAME IS HUSSEIN!!"

-um, yes. our current president's last name is "bush". and i had no idea that presidential prowess was based on one's middle name. i mean, we've had presidents named millard and grover too.

"...is moving to Europe because I refuse to live in a country run by the Anti-Christ."

-i'm still looking for BO's ten horns on his head, etc. if you still believe he's the anti-christ (or ever did, for that matter), then you have real problems.

"...can I leave the country for the next four years?"

-sure. bye. watch out for that new "leave the country" tax though.

"...President is a muslem. his religion believes in doing away with the infadels. U have to be kidding me. This is America?"

-first off, the fact that you can't spell "Muslim" completely discredits your opinion. but, you obviously have a very small understanding of Islam. and BO as far as i can tell is a christian. he's allowed to have muslim friends. he's also allowed to have crazy friends with wild ideas (because we all have friends who are crazy), but that doesn't apply here. and america is not technically only a "christian" nation. yes, i'm a christian and i'm still allowed to say and think that.

"...PALIN 2012!"

-do you really want a GOP elected in 2012? if so, then there couldn't be a worse choice. this must have been a democrat in disguise.

"...is wondering why am i going to struggle in school, work hard and become a nurse, if all the money I make is going to be taxed to randoms who don't deserve it?"

-stop listening to your daddy. it doesn't work that way. and while we're talking about the "randoms who dont deserve it", i'm pretty sure this person who wrote this is a believer. therefore, go read psalm 82:3 and acts 2:42-47 and get back to me. god's word doesn't teach capitalism.

"...how much do you wanna bet obamma dosnt make it to the white house!"

-again, the spelling rules apply. but honestly, i think he could possibly be right, and i think that would be absolutely awful. and if you would think that were a good thing, i don't even know what to say to you. and don't say "no one would want our president to be killed!" i've heard it uttered, trust me.

"...Get ready for a country dominated by illegal immigrants, homosexuals, rampant abortion, and oh yeah...people steal your hard earned money."

-i think i've covered all of this. i don't want to get into abortion.

"...is hoping for a crazy white man with a rifle...where is Dick Cheney when you need him?"

-wow.

"...read Revalation 13."

-i did, and i don't get it.

"...he's going to reverse segregation. back of the bus, whitey."

-you've got to be kidding me.

i'll stop there, but there were more. oh, and just to address the many others that mentioned moving to europe or canada to avoid the "socialist takeover", do a little research and realize that THESE COUNTRIES ALREADY HAVE THESE "SOCIALIST" ECONOMIES! so, for the life of me, i can't figure out why you would want to move from our country which has a small chance of developing this system to a country that has already had this in place!?!

i think most of these comments stem from a lack of knowledge of the issues. they don't have any idea what the real policies are or any real understanding of our situation. they also need a HUGE dose of perspective. 95% of these people list themselves as christians on their facebook pages (yes, i checked). and i would direct them towards this video. john piper states perfectly how ridiculous it is that a christian would put so much hope in ANY candidate. in ANY human being. our Hope is in Christ alone. He is Sovereign, and He is GOOD. i love piper's point around the 5:10 mark in the clip. just watch it.

everyone just calm down.

one thing i was not disappointed in this week was my roomie dan's choirs last night at their choir concert. i was incredibly impressed by his choirs, and also by eron's auburn high choirs. it's so great to see these men who are my friends, former classmates, and brothers in Christ up on stage doing what they love. being successful and affecting the lives of so many kids. great work kids, and great work friends. can't wait until the spring.

sunday storytime

2008-11-03T00:20:00.003-06:00

boy meets girl.

boy unexpectedly falls for girl.

boy has an incredible senior year of high school with girl (and others), falling in love with girl in the process.

boy and girl go to different colleges, and break up.

boy is miserable without girl, begs for her back, and gets his wish.

boy and girl have many more bumps in the road, but are generally happy and in love.

boy and girl are best friends.

boy gets to the point where he sees himself marrying girl.

boy and girl, however, have some issues between them that have been issues since the beginning.

boy tries to ignore them, but both boy and girl are what we like to call "strong-willed", and neither boy nor girl are easily swayed from their positions on the issues.

boy and girl are both immature.

boy finally realizes that, although he loves girl very much, and although he and girl are best friends, and although he can never see himself being so close to a person again, the relationship is not going to work.

boy breaks up with girl.

boy loves being single for a while, but soon realizes he might have made a mistake.

boy again tries to communicate with girl, but soon it is affirmed to him that he made the right choice by ending things, and communication ceases.

boy is very happy with being just "boy", living his life, preparing for his future, etc.

boy sometimes thinks about girl, wonders what she's doing, who she's dating, and how she is.

boy often wonders if girl has grown up yet.

boy also knows he has a lot of growing up to do.

boy then finds out some information that makes him think less of girl, and more than anything, it upsets him, because he still has much love for girl, although he knows that girl is not THE girl for him.

boy wishes he never would have found out this information, because he's been thinking about it constantly, and wants these thoughts to go away, because he knows he made the right decision and that things are not going to change.

boy also somewhat desires to be friends with girl, but knows this is next to impossible.

boy wants girl to be happy, but also to grow up some and realize some things.

boy wonders sometimes if he is the reason that girl might still be making questionable decisions.

boy just wants to move on from the "girl" chapter of his life, but seems to still be having trouble.

(to be continued...)

not forever but for real.

2008-10-28T16:42:00.002-05:00

it's happening. my time at auburn is coming to an end.

today, i had my graduation/credit check with my academic advisor. everything is in shape for me to graduate in may. all i have to do is pass my classes. i knew most of this information already, but it's nice to have someone with authority tell me i'm right about it.

so what comes after that? who knows? kenya? boston? nashville? seattle? birmingham? (that's a lot of question marks). my life/thoughts/ prayers have mostly all been focused on this overwhelming, yet thrilling uncertainty.

hopefully opportunities await. here's to capitalizing, following His will, and doing something i love.

love is a good thing.

2008-10-27T15:45:00.004-05:00

andrew peterson : resurrection letters, vol. II

i have been an andrew peterson fan for years, ever since his first album called carried along. after getting used to his somewhat nasal voice, i began to see and hear that this guy's gift was special. he wasn't just another nashville christian acoustic singer/songwriter. he was a poet in a musician's body. his songs and lyrics were unique. often in christian music, lyrics are either overtly christian (fernando ortega, shane and shane, other worship artists) or mostly symbolic (derek webb, caedmon's call, sara groves, etc.) this is somewhat of an overgeneralization, but just go with me here. andrew peterson lies somewhere in between. his lyrics are often of the symbolic variety, but they're always rooted in scripture. it's easy to tell that he is somewhat of a biblical scholar, along with being an incredible writer. i continued to follow his music, through albums such as love and thunder, clear to venus, and the far country, and was never disappointed. in fact, although love and thunder is probably my favorite AP album (sans the new one), i would say he continues to get better with each album.

other fun facts about AP: he's in the middle of writing a series of fantasy novels, one of which has already been released. he works with many of my other favorite nashville artists, including andy gullahorn, ben shive, andrew osenga, gabe scott, and jill phillips. lastly, he is responsible for the greatest christmas album i've ever heard, which will get its own blog post in the not-too-distant future.

this new album, produced by ben shive and andy gullahorn, is another awesome effort from AP. the title is an interesting story. last year, around easter, AP was writing a series of writings for his website blog type thing, and they all centered around the resurrection. a fan wrote in saying that this would be a good idea for a concept album, and AP agreed. as he began writing the songs for this album, which all focus on the idea of Christ's resurrection, he realized that there was something that came before, hence the "volume 2" part. he plans to go back and complete volume 1 soon.

the cd is full of highlights, but some of my favorite moments include the entire first song, called "all things new", the backup vocals on "don't give up on me" by don chaffer of waterdeep, andy gullahorn's discreet but awesome guitar solo on "all you'll ever need", a few fun drum fills by paul eckberg on "rocket", and finally the choir on "the good confession (i believe)", which was made up of fans from all over the country who came to nashville and recorded the part together one night in a church with AP. nothing cooler than getting to sing on one of your favorite artist's albums. i hate i couldn't make it up there for that. there are many other highlights. incredible lyrical passages, beautiful string arrangements (by ben shive), and cool harmonies galore. if you're a fan of good, scripturally-based, smart, tasteful music, check this album out. i really doubt you'll be disappointed.

also check out these sites:

www.andrew-peterson.com

www.squarepegalliance.net

www.rabbitroom.com

i have felt the holy fire of Love,

been burned by the holy fire of Love.

made clean by the holy fire of Love

-andrew peterson "don't give up on me"

contagious

2008-10-26T15:50:00.002-05:00

an interesting thing has been happening in auburn over the last few months. let me tell you about it, beginning with some back story.

-if you know me at all, you know that i enjoy beer. i enjoy beer a lot. not in the sense of getting/being drunk, but i like beer itself. i like how it tastes, i like trying new kinds, and i like being a snob about it. it's a hobby.

-this summer, me, dan, lee, nathan pauley, and others began partaking in a monday and wednesday tradition of $2 pints of any beer on tap at mellow mushroom. this became a time to come together and talk about anything and everything while enjoying a nice mixture of barley and hops. with the beer being $2, it's fun to be able to try something new, the way it's supposed to be consumed (not in a bottle).

-dan is a huge fan of sam adams and their various products. when in boston last year, he made a trip to the samuel adams brewery and took a tour. there, he learned the intricacies of what a glass of draft samuel adams boston lager is supposed to be. i also enjoy sam adams. this brings us to the matter at hand:

one day in late august, dan and i ordered sam adams at mellow mushroom. when we received our beers, we noticed something unusual. the beer was cloudy, light in color, and tasted somewhat citrus-y, almost like a blue moon. we thought, "hey, maybe they just made a mistake and poured the wrong beer". not thinking much of it, we drank our beer and that was that.

but, as we kept ordering sam adams over the next few weeks, we continued to get this same cloudy, somewhat unappetizing beer. we even watched them pour it, to make sure there wasn't some conspiracy against us. it was official. mellow mushroom was receiving bad kegs from sam adams.

since this realization, we have, collectively, ordered sam adams at 2 or 3 other places in auburn, only to experience the same thing. cloudy, fruity, un-sam adams-y beer. dan and i just want to enjoy a nice, refreshing, complex samuel adams boston lager. with no cloudiness, no fruitiness, and no bad aftertaste. what is going on?? are the kegs going bad once they get here? are they old? is there something wrong in boston? are there other places getting bad kegs? ought we contact jim koch, the founder of sam adams brewery himself, about this terrible situation?

right now we're here in boston, in love with downtown crossing

2008-10-22T16:20:00.013-05:00

i figure a long, paragraphed summary of my incredible trip to boston is no fun for anyone. so, in my usual manner, bullets and iphone photos (and maybe a few courtesy of emily stewart):

because of many factors, we hauled our bags with us to dinner friday night at a nice little establishment called fajitas & 'ritas. this was not a good thing. small place + lots of people + table in the back of the restaurant + (emily stewart's) huge bag...let the hilarity ensue.
dorchester. this is where emily o. resides, near codman square. wonderful place.
history. boston is full of it. old, ornate, beautiful churches. graveyards. paul revere. samuel adams. i love this stuff.
watching game 6 of the ALCS (red sox vs. rays) at boston beerworks, which sits right outside of fenway park. despite waiting 3 hours for a table that we never got, it was great to watch the game at a place that brews their own beer. only. (don't order a bud light in a bottle. they don't have it. nor anything else in a bottle.)
i began to master the art of scarf-wearing this weekend. i bought my first two scarves of my life. they really do help keep you warmer! by the way, it was mid 50s during the day and mid 30s at night. auburn still feels like summer to me.
because of circumstances beyond my control, i had to stay with a stranger (to me, not to everyone). but this turned out to be a great thing. mike, the guy i stayed with, was a gracious host and fun to hang out with and talk to. and he's the cousin of a friend from au singers. small world.
high rock. such a great church, in arlington, near harvard. extremely diverse. on my row there were white people around my age, black people, asian people, an 80 year old man, middle aged couples. the band/worship wasn't perfect (which is usually my biggest pet peeve), but it was some of the most REAL worship i've experienced in quite a while. the sermon was convicting and based in SCRIPTURE (praise the Lord!). malachi 3:10 was the verse that has constantly been on my heart since then. after the service, the entire church eats lunch together. every sunday. for free. community. people selflessly serving each other. i long for a church like this.
new and old friends. emily and emily are the best. liz, mike, michemas, and others are great new friends.
i could have sworn i saw josh groban out the window of the huge borders bookstore at the corner of washington and school streets.
got to watch game 7 at a small pub in dorchester, which was quite a change from the craziness of game 6. great game. i was secretly rooting for the rays. and the sox fans i encountered were gracious losers.
harvard university is beautiful. cambridge, ma is a really cool area.
i love boston more than i already knew i did, and i am really considering moving up there after a graduate. i know, i know, i want to move to kenya. i'm torn, and throw nashville in the mix. i pray for discernment constantly.

i'm nowhere and You're everything

2008-10-16T12:54:00.004-05:00

the Lord reveals himself to us in awesome ways. some ways and places i've seen the Father this week.

::the piano solo on the song "four years" on jon mclaughlin's new album ok now

::sitting down and playing hymns on the piano from memory, making up harmony as i go along. and in my limited knowledge of the piano actually playing something that i think sounds really cool.

::tuesday morning, i pulled out of my driveway at 6:00 AM for work, and there was a beautiful full moon still out.

::He constantly confirms to me that being out of the relationship that i was in for so long is the right move.

::many of the words in the last couple of chapters of theirs is the kingdom were really thought-provoking and encouraging.

::a friend that i never gave any credit has come through. and i'm thankful for it.

::an opportunity to go to boston! are you kidding me?! how blessed am i that i am able to just pack up and head 800 miles away for a weekend excursion!? that's crazy to me.

::i worried for a few days about a test that is scheduled for monday in my EU class, because i'm not going to be in town, obviously. and my ghanian professor came through, letting me take it late. thank you Lord, for the promise that we should not ever worry. and forgive us for continuing to do it.

what else...

i got an e-mail from my dad. if you'll go back and read this post, you'll understand why that's sort of a big deal. it seems like a last ditch effort on his part. i haven't decided for sure, but i don't think i'm going to respond. not worth it.

music for the week:

jon mclaughlin "ok now"

- this is a straight-up throwback to the '80s. and i don't like '80s music really. but i like this. it's hard to listen to anything from the studio, because he's just SO GOOD live, but it's still a fun album.

ray lamontagne "gossip in the grain"

-if jon mcl's album is an '80s album, then this is a '70s album. a lot of reminds me of nick drake. you could have told me "you are the best thing" was recorded in the '70s and i would have believed you 100%. favorite song is "let it be me".

fernando ortega "the shadow of your wings"

-this is what worship music should be. please ask me to let you hear this.

do as the romans do.

2008-10-12T21:15:00.003-05:00

a couple of thoughts:

-on friday, during my daily siesta at au bon pain in the student center, i was enjoying a cup of coffee and a cheese croissant, and i found myself reading the book of romans. it's always struck me as a beautiful book in its false sense of simplicity. what i mean is, i read something, and think "man, that's just good fundamental truth." but then, i read it again, and it's so complex! no less beautiful or fundamental, but there's always more to it than i'm willing to see at first. seeing as how i've never been a very diligent bible reader, i think i'll stay away from commentary and the like, and just throw out a couple of verses/passages/phrases that struck me in that time.

ch 3, v 21-26

"but now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it-- the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. for there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by His blood, to be received by faith. this was to show God's righteousness, because in His divine forebearance He has passed over former sins. it was to show His righteousness at the present time, so that He might be just and the justifier of the one who has faith in Jesus."

ch 5, v 17-21

"if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men...now the law cam in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

ch 6, v 14

"for sin will have NO dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace."

ch 8, v 24-25

"for in this hope we were saved. now hope that is seen is not hope. for who hopes for what he sees? but if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

just some really cool promises from a pretty crazy Father.

-my bostonian friend emily oldham (blog on the right) shared with me a book called theirs is the kingdom by a guy named robert lupton. lupton started a ministry in a poor area of atlanta called family consultation services, and this book is filled with short anecdotes about his time there that are both stirring and convicting. one of them struck my attention the other day. he tells the story of a woman who lived life to the fullest, until her husband died. from that day on, her life was never the same. she became a pack rat, incredibly independent, confined to a wheelchair inside her house (by choice). grasping at life instead of clinging to Life. then he compares this woman to the Church (sorry for another long quote. it's worth it):

"the church is engaged in a similar struggle. we are in a death drift that moves us from serving to preserving. we feel it carrying us along. our spontaneous fellowship soon becomes a program. bearing one another's burdens becomes a budget line item. self-sacrificing friends become paid professionals with titles (counselor, minister, director) and salary packages, longevity guarantees, and retirement benefits. our meeting places turn into "holy places" with stained glass, polished oak, and locks. taking "no thought for tomorrow" becomes sentimental rhetoric as we build bigger barns and amass insurance and endowments and reserve funds against the unpredictable events of our future.

but the church has no future. we have only the present. in this present moment we must spend, lavish, and give away our tomorrows for the sake of His kingdom today. in short, we must die. today. that is the only way to save our lives. the church is called to live at golgotha. if perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again, and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is all about. on the other side of death, each death, stands our risen Lord. and He beckons us."

wow. i had to read that 3 or 4 times before it sunk in and really grasped me. how true is that?

-speaking of my great friend emily oldham, i'm headed to boston this weekend to see her. i'm really pumped for this. i like boston. a lot. i think it's better than new york. judge. i'll let you know all about it.

feel free to comment on any or all of this.

#3

2008-10-07T17:12:00.003-05:00

there it is (that's the inside of my right bicep, if you can't tell). i'm really excited about this one... probably like it best of them all (maybe just because it's new). my friendly neighborhood body artist nils did a great job on this one... his best work so far (for me anyway).

took a little trip home to birmingham this weekend. spent friday night at a lock-in for simmons chorale. this was my middle school show choir, and seeing as how dan and i are good friends now with our director, we were lucky enough to get to go "work" their lock-in where they learn all of their music. dan did sectionals, i did games. which, like i said last week, is not like me at all, but i really enjoyed it a lot, and i think the kids did too. good times. middle schoolers aren't so bad.

listening to fernando ortega a lot this week. i've never really listened to him, but that quote a few posts ago inspired me, and i haven't been disappointed. hymns. piano. taste. Jesus.

the high countries

2008-10-02T23:39:00.002-05:00

short update... i need to get back in the swing of blogging more. forgive me.

-good week. i talk a lot about hating being a political science major, but there are a lot of times where i love it. a couple of classes in particular (persian gulf politics, east european politics, and latin america & the united states) are usually pretty enjoyable, mainly because it's not abstract concepts or anything. it's history. it's what we learned as a country. it's why the troop surge in '07 in iraq didn't work. it's why this iraq war didn't go as well as we thought it would. it's why communism was able to take hold in eastern europe after WWII. it's how CLOSE we were to nuclear world annihilation during october 1962. this is interesting stuff. and i'm learning it from people who are experts in their fields. knowledge is power.

-had a couple of great conversations with friends this week that i'm very thankful for.

-grace campus small group started this week, and i'm definitely looking forward to the rest of the semester. i miss being surrounded with people like that for accountability, wisdom, advice, etc.

-kenya WILL NOT LET GO OF ME.

-headed to birmingham this weekend, mainly to help out my good friend and former middle school choir teacher john with the simmons chorale lock-in tomorrow. i'm in charge of games, which is so unlike me. here's hoping i pull it off, and am able to make it all night.

-auburn will win by 20 this weekend. at least.

-sandra mccracken's new album "red balloon" is worth mentioning. also been listening to missy higgins, tv on the radio, elbow, frightened rabbit, and continue to love matthew perryman jones. i'm not kidding about him. check it out.

people smarter than i am

2008-09-26T12:26:00.003-05:00

"Well, I think that most of today’s Christian music is based on a thin premise. When you take a pop song and weigh it down with the gospel it sort of cheapens both. The theology is too heavy for the song, and the song usually ends up being too light for the theology. Often I feel like you end up with some sort of fuzzy Christian propaganda that doesn’t do music or the gospel any justice. That’s why I like hymns so much. The early fathers wrote many of the texts to hymns that we sing today. I like that they attach us to our Christian history and remind us of what in our faith is worth preserving. Hymns were written by theologians, not pop stars, and that is why when they are sung, we so tangibly feel the weight of glory."

-Fernando Ortega

man...couldn't have said it better myself. i think we often have to rely on others to communicate thoughts for us. maybe that's wrong... but there have been many times lately when i've had these ideas/thoughts/feelings in my head, and haven't really known how to communicate them well on paper. and then a friend, musician, author, etc. will come along and write something in a blog or interview or song that is almost exactly what i would have said, had i had the capability. is that the cheap way out? i don't see it as reliance, but maybe it goes along with the idea of being in community (which is fresh on my mind, having just read pauley's latest post. read it). maybe i can communicate someone else's thoughts as well. opinions?

she is the rising sun.

2008-09-25T12:44:00.002-05:00

no reason for naming this post what i did, i just think that's a really cool phrase (if i had a girlfriend, i think i'd tell her that. you are the rising sun. sweet.)

it's also the name of a song by a guy named ben shive, who's music i'm mildly obsessed with. i've probably discussed him before, but he plays keys live and in the studio for many musicians whose music i like, including andrew peterson, andrew osenga, dave barnes, matt wertz, derek webb, and others. he put out a solo cd called "the ill-tempered klavier" in june, and it really is the best music i've heard in a long time. great songs, including my favorite, "she is the rising sun". check out a cool review here.

i like blogging about music, because it's what i'm passionate about. so here are a bunch of recommendations of things i've heard lately that i really like. i did this a long time ago, but nobody read my blog then, so maybe this will help some of you make some musical inquiries in the near future:

matthew perryman jones:: swallow the sea

- i love anything he puts out. his last album throwing punches in the dark is probably my favorite album of the last 2 years. so this was highly anticipated to say the least. and it hasn't disappointed. favorite songs are "feels like letting go" and "when it falls apart".

act of congress:: declaration (birmingham progressive bluegrass band in the vein of nickel creek. friends of my brother. really good up-and-coming band.)

bon iver:: for emma, forever ago (guy coops himself up in a cabin for 3 months to get away, comes out with this. creepy and beautiful.)

brooke waggoner:: heal for the honey (she's talented. very talented.)

kings of leon:: only by the night (don't know why i like this band, but i really really do. this album is less harsh and more anthemic. caleb followill finally decided that he knows how to sing.)

what else... the coldplay album is epic, if you don't like it i don't respect you.

also listening to ari hest (always), sigur ros's new one, rosie thomas, john mayer's live album is still played a lot because he's just too damn good, the duhks' latest, wild sweet orange (another b'ham band), spoon's ga ga ga ga ga, and over the rhine.

matt wertz's new album is 8 old songs and 4 new ones. no thanks.

and no, i don't like the new bebo norman album. which hurts my heart to say.

anticipating near-future releases from ray lamontagne (love the first song i've heard, called "you are the best thing"), andrew peterson, sandra mccracken, dave matthews band (if they ever get around to it), ben folds, and others that i'm forgetting because i'm absentminded.

__________________________________________________________

in other news,

- i survived all of my tests, with minimal actual studying.

- i've become very cognizant of my complaining lately, and tried to put a complete end to it. if you ever hear me complain about anything, tell me to shut up and stop whining.

- i decided that, despite my distaste for all things political, i might as well just pick one, based on who i agreed with more. and based on who's not a complete idiot. so i picked obama. so, dan and lee and dug and whoever else, obama '08.

- sarah palin is stupid. not because she's a woman, but because she is. stupid. so stupid. i can see a library from my house, but that doesn't make me smart.

- samuel adams octoberfest seasonal brew is the best beer i've had in ages.

- got to see my brother this weekend for a short time, which was enjoyable. we still manage to have a lot to laugh about.

this is all real.

2008-09-16T15:41:00.003-05:00

no real reason to post (is me saying that becoming repetitive??). i'm in the midst of a very busy week, my first this school year. the combination of taking 18 hours and all of my AWESOME political science profs (sarcasm) giving tests this week (three tests, one speech) is hitting me hard right now. but i guess it had to get this way eventually, considering i don't think i've done more than about an hour of work outside of class since school started a month ago. there's also work, which causes me to have to find a balance between staying up late to study and going to bed early so i'll be capable of getting up at 6:15 AM. and there was one other thing that caused a wee bit of anxiety this week (but mostly a lot of excitement).

but as i sit here firmly entrenched in my crazy week, i can do nothing but praise Him for it. for the opportunity to even be here in auburn. for the fact that one test really isn't going to affect my future that much. for being called to His purpose, not my own. for my incredible friends. for new friends. for coffee. for conversation. for sleep. for lack of sleep. for understanding bosses. for hilarious brothers. for my beautiful niece and nephew. for an unborn nephew who i'm already excited about. for a mother who is absolutely selfless. for hardships. for music, and the never-ending amount of good music to be heard.

for the One who paid my debts.

Jesus is our GREAT salvation,

worthy of our best esteem.

-john adams

famous toddlers.

2008-09-12T12:27:00.004-05:00

as stated before on the blog, i am a proud uncle to two wonderful little ones, hope (age 4) and shepherd (3 in november). there's also another little boy on the way in november, so the fun will just continue to increase! they are the cutest kids i know, and have much personality between the two of them. i've always thought they would make great tv kids. well, ladies and gents, that time has come. i present to you, hope and shepherd skellie (with a cameo by my awesome sister-in-law connie) on abc 33/40 this morning, in what appears to be a new segment by brandon triola (my brother's cousin). enjoy...man, i'm proud to be their uncle:

http://cfc.abc3340.com/videoondemand.cfm?id=22622

the mothership.

2008-09-10T17:23:00.002-05:00

i've been saving this post for when i had nothing else to talk about. today is that day. i've led a more or less uneventful life recently. no eggs falling on the car. nothing like that. so let me tell you about my mom, and why i like her.

some of you may know pam parker. maybe you know her from church. maybe you know her from coming over to my home and her being so overly friendly that she was making fun of you 5 minutes after you arrived (all in good fun). maybe you met her once. maybe you've known her for years. but probably a majority of the people in this little corner of the blog-o-sphere have never met or heard of pam.

pam's my mom. pam's a pretty good mom. she's not perfect, but no one is. here are some things about pam that you should know:

pam is a badass
-she was an awesome cheerleader in high school, and professionally for the birmingham vulcans and the birmingham americans of the world football league. she even had an offer to cheer for the miami dolphins, but turned it down. i tell her often how crazy she is for that.

pam has been through some crap
-she was diagnosed in elementary school with stargardt's disease. her vision continued to decline to the point it's at today, which is below 15%. she had teachers that picked on her instead of helping her. she had people tell her she couldn't cheer, but she did anyway. in the past few years, she's also been diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa. she's never been able to drive or work a normal job (living off of disability is a bitch). she also struggles with pretty bad arthritis and a bunch of other little things. when i hear her tell me all of the things she's been disgnosed with, it's hard to believe how she gets up every morning. but man, is she a trooper!

putting all of this together, and summing it all up, pam has been an incredible mom. she's raised three boys with little help, outside of my incredibly selfless grandparents (and for the most part, the three of us have turned out alright). financially, emotionally, and literally, this was near impossible for her, but she gladly did it, and the Lord always provided. it hasn't been easy for her, and it probably still isn't. we never had a whole lot, but we had everything we needed. she always made sure we were happy first. she continues to. she doesn't look at life with the attitude of a twice-divorced, disabled mother of three. she's grateful for what she has, and is completely committed to her kids and grandkids. i'm proud of her, and i always will be.

splat

2008-09-08T16:33:00.004-05:00

i generally don't like my car. i know that i am very blessed to have one at all, and in these times in which we live, it's very nice to not have to pay $70 to fill up my gas tank. but i've always wanted something different. i think this is because i have an underlying feeling that my car is cursed.

ever since i started driving my trusty silver honda civic, i've had all kinds of interesting things happen to it. soon after i got it, i hydroplaned going about 15 miles an hour and bumped into a little miata, putting a fun dent in my right front bumper (which remained for over a year until i could afford getting the ENTIRE bumper replaced). ps...why don't they make those things in sections, so when someone in my position needs a new part, i dont have to pay for the 85% of the bumper that DOESN'T need to be replaced?? strange world we live in.

i've had AT LEAST 5 flat tires. probably more, but they all run together at this point. thankfully none have been while i was driving, but it's still a pain to plug them all the time and replace them constantly.

during the summer of 2006, at home in hoover, somehow my back windshield was shattered overnight. still don't know how it happened, but i don't think i have THAT many enemies! i think it was just some punk kid in my neighborhood with a bb gun. or possibly someone trying to harm my neighbor's car, who is the an editor/writer for the Birmingham Black & White, which at times prints some incindiary articles.

i have many many other dings, dents, bumps, and bruises, but overall, the car has always RUN great (my grammar might be wrong in that sentence...help jessy or jennifer.)

but last night, when i returned home from a weekend of sunburns, soaking rains, auburn victories, debauchery with good friends, and my favorite church i've ever attended, something had happened that tops all of those various car ailments.

it may be hard to see, but that's an egg, splattered on my car. you might be thinking, "oh those crazy kids and their egging houses." that's valid...i do live with a middle school teacher who has a history of getting rolled. but this was no middle school kids. it was a bird. a careless bird allowed that egg to roll out of its nest in the tree above my car, and that egg landed on my car. how inconsiderate.

(pictures courtesy of my now-broken iphone. go apple!)

open forum

2008-09-05T17:17:00.002-05:00

in order to incite some commenting, i'm going to leave you with an open question:

if you're supporting a candidate in the presidential race this year, who and why? i'm not trying to make anyone feel dumb or anything like that, because i have little opinion either way (read old blogs), but i just want to hear some opinions. read that again. OPINIONS. not debate. i get enough of that in my political science classes. just tell me what YOU think. why do you like obama? is it because he's a great orator, or do you actually think his policies are advantageous to you and your kin? if you support mccain, why? is it his feel-good story and his hot runningmate, or do you feel this he's the right guy to lead the country for the next 4-8 years?

ready, go.

the things i cherish

2008-09-02T22:40:00.005-05:00

i try not to put my hopes in material things. i usually fail at this, but i wouldn't really consider myself a materialistic person, mainly because of how i grew up. and i'm not a packrat. yes, there are those few failures (iphone, ipod, clothes, etc.), but i could definitely live without those things. i proved to myself i could last summer, when i was thousands of miles away with 3 changes of clothes, no ipod, no phone, no computer. just the Lord, His Word, a few other books, 17 awesome best friends, and some really badass kenyans.

but, there are a few things that i really hold dear. here's a short list:

-my kenya journal. it's nothing but a small spiral notebook, but it holds those memories which i can sometimes only re-live by opening it up. it brings me joy, sorrow, laughter, and tears (only once) when i go back and read certain parts.

-little bible. when my grandfather died in '05, i was going through some of his stuff one day with meme and found a tiny bible with just the new testament and psalms in it. it's from someone names mrs. williams from west end baptist church (where he grew up), and it's dated march 16, 1943. we deduced that it was given to him before he left for wwII. he was in the air force, mostly in europe, but only worked in the office (if you knew him, it makes perfect sense). but, he still served our country, so i was really excited to find this little bible and get to hopefully pass it on one day. also, interestingly enough, in the note on the first page that the woman wrote, it mentions psalm 91, which the kenya team recited every day of our trip. awesome coincidence. or awesome God.

-my kenya scrapbook. last christmas, jennifer gave me an awesome scrapbook full of pictures/memories from the summer. she put many many many hours and many many dollars into making it awesome for me, and i'm very thankful for that. i'll cherish it forever. she loved me. i was a lucky guy.

-hope. i have a picture of my niece (hope) when she was a couple of months old. there's nothing flashy or really great about it, except that it's my beautiful niece. it reminds me of how my life changed when she came into the world. maybe that's weird, but i felt myself change a lot when that happened. i've learned much patience and love from she and her brother (and i will from the next one on the way too!)

i know there are other things at home in hoover, but those are things that are here that i can physically see. i tend to keep memories better than i do tangible things, and i have a million of those. enough to last a lifetime, and more than i deserve...He has been really good to me.

stark realizations

2008-08-27T16:24:00.002-05:00

read with caution. and don't judge...i'm still hashing this out within myself, and these thoughts are new and real and not necessarily pretty.

i don't have a father. let me back up... technically i do (and yes, i'm talking about father, not Father... let me get past the worldly stuff first). eddy parker is my biological father. but is he my father? no. i haven't talked to him since i was in 10th grade, and the relationship before that wasn't great. my parents were divorced in 1995, when i was 8. up until that time, in my child-like understanding, i thought he was a good dad who came to my baseball games and made me go to church. after the divorce, he was still a "good" dad, one who would get my brother and i on his weekends and take us to do somewhat fun things. buy us things, etc. (as you can see, nothing emotional... that continued, by the way)

as time went on and i got older, my mom (who i obviously lived with) started being a little more real with me about the way my dad had treated her, us, and the way he had been/was living his life. and over the course of a few years, my opinion of him began to change drastically. i eventually stopped caring about going to his house on his weekends, and he didn't seem to care much more than i did about having a relationship. over time, and as i observed more and more, he faded from my life. there is SO much more to this story.. stuff i would love to share with whoever cares enough to listen. but that's a very annotated version.

the point is, i never REALLY cared. i know so many people (including my own brothers) who have been affected in really serious and crappy ways by the lack of a good father. i think we all do. but i never thought i was one of those people. i always just wrote off not having a father as bad luck, and i definitely never considered it my fault. i saw it as his loss, because i would have been a pretty awesome son, i think (ask my mommy...she'll tell you!). it's like if you have NEVER had mountain dew, you don't miss it, because you don't have anything to judge your mountain dew-less experience against (terribly silly example, i know... but i like mtn dew... a lot).

so i've always been fine. i had other semi-father figures: my older brother is 8 years older, youth directors, older male family friends, etc. but it's not really the same. and a majority of my friends didn't have parents with incredibly healthy relationships where the kids REALLY looked up to their dad and could observe a good relationship in their parents. therefore, i never really had anything to look at. to learn from. but i didn't think i needed it. i've always been fine. i've always THOUGHT i was fine.

but the last few months, it's really been starting to hit me. the older i get, the closer i get to the time where i would normally be getting married/having kids (i know i'm nowhere near this, but i'm approaching the generally accepted time where many humans decide to take that route). and this is where these thoughts all get really complicated. i'm beginning to think that all this dad-less existence i've had is going to come back and bite me really hard in the ass in the next 5 years or so. do i have any clue how to be a good dad? do i have any clue how to be a good husband? granted, since i got to college i have observed SO many more solid Christian families/fathers, including my own brother, than i ever did in my formative years. so that's good and all, but none of it is firsthand. none of it is constant contact. my brother is 3 hours away, and i see he and his family maybe once every 2 months.

i've always been a VERY self-sufficient person, not wanting to rely on others for things i think i can handle myself, but i can't help but think that i really have no clue how to do this (outside of the Word... again, i haven't forgotten my Father...i'm speaking in a practical sense). i've had so little guidance. so little example. my mom is the most incredible mother i could have ever asked for, and i respect and love her more than anyone else on earth for what she's been through and continues to go through so that my brother and i can do what we want. but there are things that a father is supposed to be responsible for. and i'd love to name them all off, but i'm not so sure i know what they are. i have such a small understanding of what a father is supposed to be. sure, i am to love my kids. provide for them. but how? why? what else? (i sound stupid, but you catch my drift.)

and don't even get me started on being a good husband. i see even more clearly there that i don't understand much. i can't help but think that my 3 1/2 year relationship failed largely because i really don't know how to treat a woman! i considered myself a great boyfriend. i screwed up a lot, but i think overall, i did a good job, and i think she would attest to that (i hope). and i know i'm not supposed to be perfect. but, as i dissect that period in my life and why it didn't work, i can't help but think that i didn't love her well enough because of the "dad/husband" issue. and then i tend to think, will i ever be able to love a woman well enough? do i have any idea how to?

like i said, i understand that, above all of this, there is a Perfect Father who watches over me, loves me, created me uniquely, etc. and i know that the Bible is as good a guide as any on how to be a pretty kick-ass father and an equally great husband. but a lot of times, it's hard to know how to translate that to the 'here and now'. i also know that 99% of what i'm feeling is just lies, lies, lies. but still, the thought remains. when the time comes, will i know how to love my girlfriend/wife with the kind of selflessness and grace that is required of me? and will i know how to love my children the same way? and is this lack of a father going to fall on me like a ton of bricks in the near future, like it has done to so many others? do i feel equipped to handle this?

short thought

2008-08-25T12:14:00.003-05:00

yesterday at auburn church, andy stanley started a series called "destinations". he spoke on a passage in proverbs where solomon observes from afar a situation where he can basically see the future and knows where the situation is leading (he was the smartest guy in the world, mind you). stanley compared it to those moments where you see two cars at an intersection, and you KNOW they are about to hit each other, although neither of them have any idea...seconds later, BOOM! his first talk in this series was best summed up in a quote that he continued to repeat over and over:

"it's your PATH, not your INTENTION, that leads to a destination."

he applied it to many areas of life, and obviously the main application is our walk with Christ. but i think the other areas of life are important too. and it makes me think of my friends. i tend to like asking for advice about situations, but if it's not what i want to hear, i twist that person's credibility or advice in order to discount what they're saying. there's a situation in my life that i am constantly talking to others about, and i've made myself believe that it can end well. because that's my INTENTION. but the path that i constantly find myself on is going to lead to the end that i continued to be warned about. and i know that's much more realistic than the intention that i have. that was a confusing paragraph... but hopefully you see what i mean. the point is, an outsider's perspective is sometimes (usually) much more on point than my shaded, skewed view of reality. God puts these people in our lives for a reason... we must learn to listen to them.

persistence

2008-08-24T14:49:00.004-05:00

i can officially say that i accomplished something this weekend.

about 3 1/2 months ago, i bought and started reading a book called gilead. i had read many glowing reviews on different blogs, etc, including the rabbit room, hearing that it won a pulitzer prize for fiction in 2005. naturally, i decided it would be worth my while to purchase. however, after getting about 50 pages in, i got really frustrated and bored with the book. i picked it up at random times throughout the summer, reading a few pages here and there, but never feeling as though i was making any progress. but one fateful night, a conversation with a new friend revealed that she had also started gilead and was also very frustrated and ready to give up on it. but, we also both agreed that, with all the good reviews and the pulitzer, there had to be a point in which it redeems itself. i (out of my own selfish pride, i suppose) made a promise to her to finish the book (i think i was giving it more hope than she was...i may still be today). during my breaks between classes this week, i've hit it really hard, knocking out larger and larger chunks, until finally, i finished the book yesterday afternoon. and, as much as i hated the process, the end result is gilead being one of the best books i've read in a while.

it's kind of hard to explain why i like the book so much. the basic plot goes like this: john ames is a 77 year old preacher living in the small town of gilead, iowa. he has recently found out that he has a heart condition which is killing him. after marrying a much younger woman, he has a 7 year old son. because of his impending death, he begins to write a diary of letters to this son to attempt to teach and tell him all of the things that he won't get to. he explains family history, his own story and struggles, and also documents many events that happen as the diary itself is being written, much of this present action involving his neighbor and friend boughton, and old boughton's family (with much of the plot focusing on the story of jack boughton).

the story is not so much why i was so glad i finished it. the story is good, as it is very metaphorical and subtly interesting. but the language with which this book is written is what got me. it's absolutely beautiful. stunningly so. marilynn robinson writes with such precision, but it's also nonchalant in a way. yet even the simplest statements/explanations are thought out and make you stop and say, "wow".

i also was struck by the central role of Christianity in the story (obviously, as it's from the point of view of a preacher). as many nonfiction Christian books i've read over the years, this might be the most profoundly Christian book i've ever read.

gilead was an unexpected gift to me. i went from dreading picking it up to not wanting it to be over, and wishing i had savored every word a little more. it's simple, poignant, haunting, and meditative, but more than anything, it's beautiful. read it. you can borrow mine.

here's a short passage to hopefully convey how awesome the language is (probably my favorite passage in the entire book):

"in the matter of belief, i have always found that defenses have the same irrelevance about them as the criticisms they are meant to answer. i think the attempt to defend belief can unsettle it, in fact, because there is always an inadequacy in argument about ultimate things. we participate in Being without remainder. no breath, no though, no wart or whisker, is not as sunk in Being as it could be. and yet no one can say what Being is...

i've lost my point. it was to the effect that you can assert the existence of something- Being- having not the slightest notion of what it is. then God is at a greater remove altogether- if God is the Author of Existence, what can it mean to say God exists? there's a problem in vocabulary. He would have to have had a character before the existence which the poverty of our own understanding (THAT'S quite a phrase) can only call existence. that is clearly a source of confusion...

so my advice is this- don't look for proofs. don't bother with them at all. they are never sufficient to the question, and they're always a little impertinent, i think, because they claim for God a place within our conceptual grasp. and they will likely sound wrong to you even if you convince someone else with them. that is very unsettling over the long term. 'let your works so shine before men,' etc. it was Coleridge who said Christianity is a life, not a doctrine, words to that effect. i'm not saying never doubt or question. the Lord gave you a mind so that you would make honest use of it. i'm saying you must be sure that the doubts and questions are your own, not, so to speak, the mustache and walking stick that happen to be the fashion of any particular moment."

"no one's intended to die with their heart still intact"

2008-08-23T10:30:00.003-05:00

i've been a bad blogger. let's catch up on the time betwixt now and my last post.

-obviously tops on the list is, school has begun. my last real first day of school of my life. first day of my senior year of college. what the crap!?! that sounds so crazy and weird. i've been having so many moments where i think '3 or 4 years ago doesn't seem like that long ago to me... but i feel so old at times. where will i be in another 3 or 4 years?' and the fact that i have NO good answer for that question excites me so much.

-political science might be the most boring major with the most boring professors at auburn. i already skipped a class yesterday!

-i was worried about how burger night would coincide with encounter being on thursday nights, but it went off basically without a hitch this past thursday. encounter was a little overwhelming with all the new little freshmen running around and the smaller venue, but i needed it. been a while since i really experienced the Lord.

-last night i was blessed enough to make a trip to atlanta with my good buddy jeff (i would love to add a link to his blog on his name, but he doesn't have one yet. get on that, jeff... we've talked about this). jeff and i met some really awesome new friends from UGA for a concert at georgia tech featuring jon mclaughlin. it was incredible. it's really humbling to see someone sit down at the piano and do the things he does. i'm part jealous, part angry that i didn't get that gift (to that extent), and part amazed that the Lord gives us the gifts that He does, and at how diverse they are. it was a great night of music, food, drinks, good conversation, and good fun. thanks friends.

that's my week in a nutshell. this coming week will see the beginning of college football, fantasy football, more boring classes, and hopefully some increased patience (and persistence) on my part in a certain situation. and i'm finishing a book today that i've been reading for 4 months. i'll post about that ASAP. thanks for reading. comments welcome.

here's to you, old friend.

2008-08-14T15:02:00.005-05:00

which old friend, you might ask? that old friend is summer '08, also known in some circles as the "summer of debauchery".

this post is dedicated to reviewing my summer. i've been putting off this post for a while now, i suppose so it would be closer to the end. but also because i don't want to believe that it's over.

in the weeks and months leading up to the summer, i didn't really think i had a whole lot to be excited about. no trips to kenya. no big vacations. no summer of love. none of that. just a regular ol' summer in the loveliest little village on the plains (my first in auburn, by the way).

the summer began with a trip to disney world with the au singers (yeah, i was in show choir. judge me.) i definitely was NOT excited about this, both because i am always burned out on singers by the end of the year, and because i just didn't think disney world had a lot to offer to a guy like me (it was my first trip. again, judge me.) but disney world was incredible. i loved every second of it. may have even surpassed trips to boston and nyc as my favorite summer tour of the 3 i went on. i had so much fun that week to close out the "au singers" chapter of my life. love you all. good luck this year.

then came the return to auburn. didn't look like there was a lot to look forward too now, for sure. but slowly, things started to get good. a group of us (dan, lee, nathan, jeff) began to start hanging out. a lot. too much. every day. but it was so good. we slowly started noticing that there are countless specials at auburn establishments each night of the week, and because of our lack of money (still jobless at this point) and our love of good food, beers, and friends, we saw these all as good ideas. there was loco's trivia night on tuesday, $2 pints of anything at mellow mushroom on monday and wednesday, $1 pitchers at the tavern on monday, tuesday, and thursday (still having trouble figuring out how they make money), various wing nights, and, the mother of them all, BURGER NIGHT at niffer's, which i discussed in my last post.

through these various activities, the 5 of us bonded and had more fun than we should have been allowed. at times we let others partake in our fun, be it other friends in the periphery, lady-friends, or friends from out of town. all of you people also had a hand in my summer. thank you.

there were many other events/situations that made this summer what it was, including, but not limited to:
music and arts week at camp sumatanga (probably the best week of the summer overall, but it got its own post in July)
drinking Baileys from a shoe
eron's and cravey's softball games
getting a job at Bizilia's (still deciding if i like this one or not, but money is money)
dmb concert in atlanta
city stages (ben harper, jon mclaughlin, flaming lips, act of congress, grace potter, etc) and almost getting arrested
many, many nights on the porch at bodega
jensen
frantically trying to keep up with my fantasy baseball teams
new music
new and wonderful friends
wanting to be back in kenya, regardless of all of that fun i was having here

thanks to everyone who had a part in this summer of debauchery 2008. here's to the last burger night of the summer tonight. here's to having a few too many beers when i have to work at 6:45 the next morning. here's to coming up with more hilarious and offensive team names for trivia next time we go. here's to a senior year filled with these same good times, if not more (in number and greatness).

here's to you, summer of 2008.

you were way too good to us all.

miscellany

2008-08-10T12:15:00.002-05:00

as i sit down to post for the first time in quite a while, i realize that there have been countless ideas for posts that have passed through my head over the past 2 weeks. but, in my usual way, most of them escape me now. i guess short bullets will suffice again...

-burger night. it's always awesome. despite drama, numbers, and waiting forever for tables. a $3.99 burger, a $1.50 bud fat (king of beers), and some damn good fraahhlls (fries) and rahhhhnch (ranch dressing) will make my week EVERY TIME.

-i've learned over the past month or so that getting over your first love is never going to be easy. there will always be challenges, and you'll always have a place in your heart that can only be filled by that person. it might get easier over time, depending on the circumstances, but when you know it's not right, you have to try to stop it, and not look back. because once you do, you're through, and the entire process starts over again. don't look back. ever.

-i moved. for the last two years, i have called an apartment on west magnolia ave. (affectionately called "the oasis") my home. i had two awesome roommates, chase and lee, who have become life-long friends. chase and i slept in the same room every (well, most) night for those two years, shared countless laughs, arguments, heart-to-hearts, and maybe even some tears. we helped each other through break-ups, hard times, deaths in the family, and more. i'm so thankful for his friendship and that he crashed my room over 2 years ago. love ya buddy (i know you'll read this in 5 minutes).

and lee. what can i say about ol' lee kelley. let's just say, after a trip to africa together, a million slammed doors, me doing his laundry, him washing my dishes, me turning off his lights to save electricity, times of not speaking, an engagement, the end of an engagement, etc., lee is one of my best friends. and for that, i'm grateful.

but now, i have a new home. 720 thach ave. a little old house built in the 1940s with more mind-boggling engineering ideas than i can count. but man, is it awesome. i get to share this house with my good friend dan and his incredible dog jenny (i call her jensen... don't know why). i'm thankful that they have let me have a little room in their home. i'm really excited about the good times that will happen over the next year here.

-i'm thinking about a little weekend excursion to seattle in two weekends. i'm not sure if it's possible with my money situation right now, but man, would it be fun. karli and rachael, i'm working on it.

-might i recommend the music of bon iver.

-i have so much to be thankful for. new friends, old friends, good times, the good Lord.

don't look back. never, ever look back.

follow-up

2008-07-27T13:30:00.002-05:00

i found this about 2 minutes ago, and thought it was a nice follow-up quote to my last post about being a follower of Jesus in these trying times. i apologize for using another's quote again. i'm prepared for the crap i'll get from dan, lee, etc.

"As a Catholic chaplain I watched as the Bockscar, piloted by a good Irish Catholic pilot, dropped the bomb on the Urakami Cathedral in Nagasaki, the center of Catholicism in Japan.

I never preached a single sermon against killing civilians to the men who were doing it... It never entered my mind to protest publicly the consequences of these massive air raids. I was told it was necessary--told openly by the military and told implicitly by my Church's leadership.

I struggled. I argued. But yes, there it was in the Sermon on the Mount, very clear: "Love your enemies. Return good for evil." I went through a crisis of faith. Either accept what Christ said, as unpassable and silly as it may seem, or deny Him completely.

For the last 1700 years the Church has not only been making war respectable: it has been inducing people to believe it is an honorable profession, an honorable Christian profession. This is a lie."

- Father George Zabelka, Catholic Air Force chaplain who blessed the crews of the Bockscar and Enola Gay before dropping the atomic bombs.

this is not me subscribing to any one side. besides the Jesus side. i usually don't like to argue with anyone about this stuff, because it's not worth it. but i'll argue what that quote says until the day i die. it's simply written, but plain as day.

the sermon on the mount is pretty damn convicting. shows me that i/we are not doing a whole lot right. we aren't necessarily following Jesus, although we may claim that we are. i encourage you to read that today.

don't hold your breath or your vote until you think you've finally found a Savior up on capitol hill.

2008-07-21T13:49:00.008-05:00

i had a really long post planned out and partially written about politics, the election, and my feelings on these subjects.

but as i wrote it, i imagined all of the comments i would suddenly get from my staunch republican friends, my obama-supporting friends, and everything in between. so i decided against it. mainly because i don't know if i can fairly defend everything i think. this is for a couple of reasons: first, i don't have it all figured out. my pet peeve is people who think they do (especially in the Church, but that's another post). second, i don't really have an opinion on most things political either way. i usually can see positives and negatives of both sides in most situations.

basically, it's like this. i think it's all blown WAY out of proportion. the president is important, but am i convinced without a doubt that one person can do a better job than another? ABSOLUTELY not. therefore, what would be my reasoning in throwing my ONE vote in the pot or putting a stupid sticker on my car or going to a rally.

none of us have a clue what these people really think anyway. and if we're listening to greta van susteren, rush limbaugh, lou dobbs, keith olbermann, joe scarborough, larry king, anderson cooper, shepherd smith, neil cavuto, sean hannity, alan colmes, jon stewart, or stephen colbert to get our information and form our opinions, we're not getting the whole story. actually, we're probably not getting much of it at all. just something to consider.

the only way i can justify looking at the situation is the way Jesus would have looked at it. and do i think Jesus was any friend of politics? nope. check out what was going on with the roman empire during the life of Jesus. these people that try to compare america to that very roman empire may not be too crazy after all...

i follow Jesus. not obama (he DOES have kenyan blood, though), not mccain, not anyone else. i was put on this earth not to be an american, but to live a life consumed by and surrendered to the Lord, and to bring others to that same conclusion. with love. with compassion. with thanksgiving. through grace. no mumbo-jumbo. no bullshit. no sugar-coating.

i tend to find solace in music, and there is no one who says it better on this subject than derek webb. here are some lyrics to ponder:

'so my first allegiance is not to a flag, a country or a man
my first allegiance is not to democracy or blood
it’s to a King and a Kingdom'

'and nothing unifies like a common enemy
and we’ve got one sure as hell
he may be living in your house
he may be raising up your kids
he may be sleeping with your wife
oh he may not look like you think'
-a king and a kingdom

'i've got a killer instinct bringing out all of my best
i've got a poison conscience telling me to go with that
this may not work and i don't guarantee that it will
but i've got no choice unless you tell me who Jesus would kill'
-i for an i

'i repent, i repent of my pursuit of america’s dream
i repent, i repent of living like i deserve anything
of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife
In our suburb where we’re safe and white
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent, i repent of parading my liberty
i repent, i repent of paying for what i get for free
and for the way i believe that i am living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
i am wrong and of these things i repent

i repent of judging by a law that even i can’t keep
of wearing righteousness like a disguise
to see through the planks of my own eyes

i repent, i repent of trading truth for false unity
i repent, i repent of confusing peace and idolatry
by caring more of what they think than what i know of what we need
by domesticating you until you look just like me
i am wrong and of these things
i am wrong and of these things
oh i am wrong and of these things i repent'

-i repent

in God we trust, and the government is on His shoulders,
in God we trust, through democracy and tyranny alike
in God we trust, He uses both good and evil men

in God we trust ’til we fight for peace and He fights for us,
in God we trust even when He fights us for someone else
in God we trust even when He looks like the enemy

in God we trust even though our hearts are bankrupt
in God we trust for more than just the value of our dollar bills
in God we trust there’s no gold behind these notes of reserve

in God we trust even through our great presumption
in God we trust even though He favors no nation-state
in God we trust even when the blessing is a curse

-in God we trust

people love you the most for the things you hate
and hate you for loving the things that you cannot keep straight
people judge you on a curve
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve
this too shall be made right

children cannot learn when children cannot eat
stack them like lumber when children cannot sleep
children dream of wishing wells
whose waters quench all the fires of Hell
this too shall be made right

the earth and the sky and the sea are all holding their breath
wars and abuses have nature groaning with death
we say we’re just trying to stay alive
but it looks so much more like a way to die
this too shall be made right

there’s a time for peace and there is a time for war
a time to forgive and a time to settle the score
a time for babies to lose their lives
a time for hunger and genocide
this too shall be made right

i don’t know the suffering of people outside my front door
i join the oppressors of those who i choose to ignore
i’m trading comfort for human life
and that’s not just murder it’s suicide
this too shall be made right

-this too shall be made right

there are plenty more that i could post, but i think that's good for now. i'll leave you with one more thing:

click here (haven't figured out how to post a video yet)

weekend thoughts.

2008-07-20T21:01:00.002-05:00

-i pretended to get started on LOST season 2 last night. finished season 1 over spring break. i only paid attention to one episode though, so i have a lot of work to do. however, the time spent conversing/relating with a new friend was well worth my attention. and the yuenglings were nice as well.

-justin timberlake's musical number on the ESPYs was pretty damn funny. look it up on the youtubes.

-i found out today that one of my kenyan friends, francis, is coming to america for a few months, and will be fairly close by, in north carolina. that's going to be really awesome.

-i'm only blogging because dan is making me. dan is a pretty cool guy. he's single, good-looking, has a kick-ass dog, teaches middle school choir, has his foot in a cast, loves mountain dew, supports barack obama, and is letting me live in his house this year. check out his blog on the right.

something rare.

2008-07-18T12:46:00.008-05:00

anyone who has met me even once knows that i went to Kenya, and that my trip to Kenya was beyond life-changing. this blog is about maybe the most under-appreciated part of that trip, but the part that has been so important to me recently.

from top right: lee, sara, ryan kurz, becca, susannah, ryan farrell, ben, christi, anne, karli, (going down now) chelsea, me, karen, rachael, katy, elizabeth, brooke

these are the 17 people on the face of this earth that i feel closest too. that's a weird and bold statement, because i don't ever see any of these people (besides lee, my trusty roommate). let me tell you, though, i've never been surrounded with the type of encouragement and support as i am by some of these people. i've also never been more thankful for any group of people. these people are a glaring example of the Lord's love. these people are my family.

almost half of the team is on some other type of trip this summer, or doing something incredibly awesome. it makes me feel like a worthless little nothing, especially because i know that i don't belong here. ben, ryan, christi, and sara are in india working in leper colonies and in the streets of calcutta. anne is in mozambique. amy just returned from leading a trip to the amazon jungle in peru. rachael made a return trip to kenya on a medical trip with nursing school. brooke is interning with compassion international in colorado. katy and becca have both spent time as long-term missionaries since we returned from our trip. chelsea has spent time in africa this year, and is now doing work with YWAM and others in germany, romania, and moldova. wow.

how encouraging to know so many people heeding the call of our Savior!

recently, team india posted a really impressive video to their blog documenting parts of their trip so far. on my initial viewing, i had a huge, constant grin on my face, and was put in a good mood for the rest of the day. seeing these people and having all of those memories flowing back into my head of the time i had spent with them was incredible. two nights ago, during a long overdue conversation with rachael, the video was brought up again, and i got giddy! like, seriously giddy. in a way that i never get. then, probably an hour after that, i was talking to another friend about the same subject, and i had tears coming down my face (she doesn't know i was crying.....shhh). this was a year of built-up emotion coming to a head. i'm so thankful for it. God has been so good to me.

today is july 18. one year ago, i was in eburru, kenya. looking back into my journal from last summer, i see that on this date last year i spent time helping our cook, zelipha (who i had a crush on, mind you) and anne cook lunch, and spent some time at the eburru secondary school doing a small group with the kids there. i think i recall that as being a good day. i miss it, more than i've ever missed anything.

my kenya journal is a really cool thing. it's really tough to read at this point in my life, for a few reasons. and it's missing a week of info. but, i'll have to live with that decision. oh well. no regrets.

thanks for reading. comments are welcome. i LOVE reading them. seriously. comment. a lot. thanks.

help my unbelief.

2008-07-14T19:10:00.009-05:00

four years ago at camp sumatanga (music and arts week), ken berg brought an arrangement of the hymn jesus, lover of my soul as one of the songs to be performed for the friday concert. besides the song being beautiful (more on that later), there was a little fun surprise on the cover that grabbed my attention. a small, abstract picture of Jesus wearing a crown of thorns. almost too strange to comprehend. my first thought was, "hey, that would be a cool tattoo." after camp, i made sure and kept a copy of that music close at hand, just in case.

fast-forward 2 1/2 years, to december 2006. the time finally came when i convinced myself i needed a tattoo. my mind immediately went to that picture on that piece of music. a week later, the picture was tattooed on the inside of my left wrist, never to leave that spot again for as long as i shall live.

i got addicted, as everyone seems to do, and a month later i had another tattoo, this time on the inside of my right forearm. it's the very last words of mark 9:24, which says "immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'i believe, help my unbelief!" the story is a common one about our quite uncommon Savior, but this verse/phrase spoke to me in a huge way. it's sort of a strange thing to get tattooed on yourself, at first thought: "help my unbelief". but, if we're honest, i think we all, as believers, struggle with some sort of unbelief countless times every day. i mean, come on, many of the things we claim are crazy. and not only that aspect, but another big thing is my lack of trust in Him. i can say i believe stuff all day long, but am i really relying on God all the time for EVERYTHING? do i earnestly seek His guidance in every step i take (and every move i make... $1 to sting)? i definitely do not, as much as i should, and to me, that's unbelief. to Him, that's unbelief. plain and simple. therefore, i felt it warranted a constant reminder on my arm. as a bonus, i decided to do it justice and have it in greek, the original language of the new testament.

(edit: i tried to copy and paste the greek, but it didn't work right when i posted. sorry. check here, it's the last phrase.)

it reads something like "boh-ay-theh-o eg-o ho a-pis-tee-ah". i went back earlier today and tried an analyze the original a little more for a more literal meaning, but it pretty much means what it says: help my unbelief. aid my unfaithfulness.

it's crazy how permanent they are. i mean, they're gonna be there FOREVER. unless of course i want to pay a lot of money and go through a lot of pain to have it removed. and there are days that i regret them, but overall i wouldn't go back and do it differently.

and now i'm thinking about a third.

do you like tattoos? what's the coolest one you've seen? i'd love some feedback/ideas.

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
let me to Thy bosom fly,
while the nearer waters roll,
while the tempest still is high:
hide me, O my Savior, hide,
till the storm of life be past;
safe into the haven guide,
O receive my soul at last.

Other refuge have I none,
hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
leave, ah! leave me not alone,
still support and comfort me!
All my trust on Thee is stayed;
all my help from Thee I bring;
cover my defenseless head
with the shadow of Thy wing.

Thou, O Christ, art all I want;
mor than all in thee I find;
raise the fallen, cheer the faint,
heal the sick, and lead the blind.
Just and holy is Thy Name;
I am all unrighteousness;
false and full of sin I am;
Thou art full of truth and grace.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found,
grace to cover all my sin;
let the healing streams abound,
make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
freely let me take of thee:
spring Thou up within my heart,
rise to all eternity.

forcing it.

2008-07-13T17:10:00.004-05:00

i begin this post without a clear vision of what i want it to contain. i have no goal, nothing significant to write about, no soapbox, no updates on my cousin. i'm hoping that by the time i hit "publish post", i'll have enough content to develop a decent post.

i think i'll try the 'stream-of-consciousness' approach.

it's amazing how just seeing a picture of a certain ex can conjure up so many different feelings. first i feel anger. then nostalgia. then disgust and embarrassment. then sadness. then i laugh. then i get that really crappy feeling in the pit of my stomach. then, i come to delight, because i see that the Lord has brought me a long way, and i'm not all the way to the end of this journey that is getting over her, but He is faithful, and He made it evident that the situation was unhealthy and wrong, and i am thankful that i can still recognize that today. (that was QUITE the run-on sentence.)

let me tell you about a little gem called NoiseTrade. in a nutshell, it was started by derek webb, who had a crazy idea to give away his album "mockingbird"for free online. seems crazy, if you're trying to make money, but he ended up giving away 10,000 downloads, and it brought him a lot of exposure and new fans. so, he created NoiseTrade. it's a website where any musicians can upload their album/albums on the website, and people can download them for free (technically, for three e-mail addresses or you can pay whatever you want). so, check it out. get some free music. find some new artists to listen to/support. and you can ALWAYS put my e-mail down if you want to!

i still miss camp a lot.

football season is going to be great. war eagle.

i have nothing else. this was not successful. i'll post anyway.

marcstrong

2008-07-10T18:10:00.004-05:00

i found out yesterday that my cousin marc has cancer. i honestly haven't talked to him in a long time, because i don't have a lot of contact with my dad's side of the family. but if my memory serves me correctly, he's going to be a senior this year at hoover and is 17.

i don't know a lot of details really, except that my brother was told that the cancer was in his leg and apparently in one of his lungs. i know that he has been going through chemo, and i think that he went home today. for how long, i don't know.

it's really frustrating to know that this is going on, but that i don't really have a good way to find out information. but then again, i'm glad i know about it at all, and i'm glad that i have faith in a Perfect Creator who's hand is all over this situation. i can only have confidence that His power and might will be evident, and that our earnest prayers will be heeded by the One who promises such.

thanks in advance for YOUR prayers. if you want, there's a group on facebook titled "marcstrong" that you could join and show support. that's honestly where i'm getting most of my information right now. if i find something else out, i'll update. thank you, prayer warriors. you have never failed me before, and neither has He.

love. baby.

2008-07-09T14:23:00.002-05:00

there are times in life when you have to admit some of your deepest, darkest secrets. this is one of those times. i am a huge dave matthews band fan. there, i said it.

i usually try to cover up this fact these days, because i don't like to be typecast by others or to limit myself into not trying out other music. but the fact remains the same, i am as big a fan as anyone out there.

monday night, i attended the dmb concert in atlanta. this last minute opportunity (which i am VERY grateful for, thank you lauren) was completely unexpected, and almost not possible with my work schedule. but, i knew i had to fit it in, and i'm really glad i did. i may have had a few issues with the setlist overall, but i heard old live favorites like tripping billes, ants marching, bartender, and seek up, and got to enjoy some newer gems like you might die trying, cornbread, sledgehammer (peter gabriel cover), and so damn lucky (maybe the surprise highlight of the night). the show was full of energy, even from the lawn, and i'm so pumped to hopefully hit another show soon.

i sometimes take for granted the amount of talent that this band exudes. carter beauford makes me wish i were a drummer. jeff coffin made me forget about leroi moore being out with injury. rashawn ross makes the trumpet cool again. this band makes me proud to be a musician.

welcome back.

2008-07-06T14:30:00.005-05:00

i'm a little behind on my blogging, on account of me being away from internet service for a week or so. i've been at camp sumatanga, near gallant, alabama, at a little event called music and arts week.

beginning the summer before my 7th grade year, i began to go to MAW (as i will affectionately call it from here on out). my older brother had always attended and it was obvious that it was one of his favorite things throughout the year, so i was pumped to get to start going myself (i didn't get the memo that there was a children's camp too, and that i could have been going for the 4 or 5 years prior). it only took that first year to get me hooked, though.

now, i know that the idea of a music camp where you have to sit through multiple 2-hour rehearsals for 5 days doesn't sound appealing to most people, but i thrive in that. it's where i belong, where i'm at my best.

and the people. my goodness, the people. i can only begin to describe the relationships i've formed at camp over the years. most of these people i only see once a year. but they're still some of my best friends. i wish i could communicate more clearly how much many of these people mean to me.

i went to camp 6 times in middle school and high school. it used to be the greatest week of my year. the memories i had from those times were countless and unmatched. but a few summers ago i made a bad decision.

i skipped camp the summer after my senior year.

i think there were a few reasons for this. but the main one was, it was my last summer home, and i wanted to spend as much time as possible with my friends and jennifer before i went off to auburn. i don't regret that i had that time with those friends and with my girlfriend at the time, but i definitely regret missing camp, because here's what happened:

i forgot. it only took that one year of missing it to forget how much of an impact MAW had had on me. those people, the music, the time with the Lord. and once i missed it that one year, i went on to miss it the next year (although i would have had to be a counselor). and then last summer i also missed it, for a little trip that i took that changed my life.

so this year, i was approached about making my return. i'll say that i was somewhat excited, but not like i was in high school, because i really had forgotten.

but let me tell you, friends, camp sumatanga kicked my ass this week. in the best way possible. it took hardly any time for me to remember how incredible of a week MAW is. being a counselor for the first time was a little different, but in an awesome way. those 15 or so counselors that i got to spend so much time with are such an encouragement to me, in many different ways. the laughter we shared was endless. the music we made was beautiful and pleasing to the Lord. the campers were less in number, but no less in greatness. the new people i met, counselors, staff, and campers included, will forever be important to me in one way or another.

i know that from now on, as long as that camp is alive and kicking, i have to be there. i already miss so many people so much, and i've only been back for 2 days.

praise Him for camp sumatanga. praise Him for music and arts week. praise Him for friends, new and old. praise Him for music. praise HIM.

(sorry for the rob bell-ish choppiness of this post)

what can i say?

2008-06-26T23:07:00.002-05:00

i'm the most selfish person i know. i posted about this a month or so ago, but i have thought about it some this evening and have come to that realization. even the people in my life who i think are incredibly selfish (and there are a few) do not compare to the guy i see in the mirror. the central point of Jesus and His teaching is selflessness. obviously the sirens are going off, and there's a huge issue there.

i'm glad i recognize this problem, at least. but it definitely isn't enough to just see that i am, 99% of the time, only concerned with myself. there must be prayers, pleading with my Father, and action on my part.

the worst part about it is, on the rare occasion that i do something for someone else that is supposed to be some type of masquerade as me being like Jesus, the sole purpose is usually just to make myself feel good. to make me feel like i did something. to give MYSELF the glory, when i deserve none of it. selflessness leads immediately to selfISHness.

as before, i pray that i can no longer be this way. that i will have the mind to recognize when i'm doing this. and that i will have the heart to truly be acting as Jesus would act. not for myself at all.

(ps: my attempt at posting on the iphone "live from burger night" was a quasi-failure. dan wins, i guess.)

live from burger night

2008-06-26T20:06:00.001-05:00

pensive, doubting, fearful heart

2008-06-22T14:15:00.008-05:00

lately, and often, i find myself searching for validation in something other than our Lord.
and for something to comfort me other than our Lord.
and for companionship during the lonely times from someone other than our Lord.
and solace from the struggles of life from somewhere other than our Lord.

i do not doubt that this is a common problem for you as well, my friends. let's fight it together. let's fight for each other. surrender.

in other news, is the expression "girl of my dreams" a fair label to put on someone? i'm not really sure why i ask, but i've been thinking, if i am bold/stupid enough to put that label on one person, does that mean any other potential mate is, in a way, a disappointment? especially if this so-called "GOMD" is not someone who i see myself getting a chance with?

still toying with the idea of sitting out this semester, or this year entirely, and going away to africa. i had a long conversation recently with a friend who has spent some time as a "full-time missionary" (isn't that what we're all called to be, no matter our vocation?). i was seeking some guidance and perspective on my seemingly insane idea to do this. he was helpful and encouraging, all while trying to keep me on the ground about the whole thing. thankful for you, scott w.

i desire for my blogs to not be as random as they are, but i always forget what i really wanted to write about, and think of 10 other things.

mark teixeira is scoring me some major fantasy points today. 3 hr's.

hymn text snippet of the day:

had i the guilt of all the world,
He's able to forgive.
why should i fear?
the debt is paid,
if only i believe.
-william williams

simple, yet beautiful and true.

mcfearless

2008-06-19T15:17:00.002-05:00

let me tell you what i've been doing for the last hour or so.

inquiring about positions/internships/jobs with missions organizations in africa. starting this fall. yes, that means what you think it means.

dumb? maybe. i like to think of it as obedience to my Lord who has put a calling on me like i've never felt before.

would love advice, suggestions, prayer, etc.

everything in its right place

2008-06-18T11:41:00.007-05:00

wow. i feel as though there is so much to update on, but i'm also not really sure how to put it all into words. let's try a sort of list format:

a) city stages: lots of really good music. they really brought it with the lineup this year, and most of the bands i saw didn't disappoint. just a few of the great ones were act of congress, citizen cope, eliot morris, will hoge, dave barnes, grace potter and the nocturnals, jon mclaughlin, jon black, micah dalton, michael franti and spearhead, buddy guy, ben harper, etc. got to hang out with a bunch of old friends, some who i expected to see, others that i didn't. both were welcome company. aaaaand i almost got arrested. i think i'll save that story for another time.

2) it was also a tough weekend. if you and i are close, i've probably asked you for prayer in the last 4 or 5 days. i've made some mistakes this weekend that i sorely regret. i guess i can go ahead and be frank about this. i ended a relationship with a pretty great girl at the end of april. for a while, it was really easy for me. almost thoughtlessly easy. being the crazy over-analyzer that i am, that ease was really weird for me, and that should have been a sign that it wasn't always going to be that way. anyway, it's gotten hard the last week or so. did i make the right choice? did i let the best thing i ever had slip away with absolutely no remorse? or was all of the doubt i had felt in the months leading up to our split there for a reason? at times like this when it gets hard, it's easy to ignore and look past the reasons why we broke up in the first place. but all of that is still there. i think i'm coming to the conclusion that i miss the comfort of it more than anything. being in birmingham for 4 days was tough, because that was our domain. we tore that town up for 3 1/2 years. and SO many things there remind me of her and us that it's really emotionally draining to be around it all. but regardless of all of that, i still think today that i made the right choice.

and i definitely didn't come to that realization on my own. the Body. the Body of Christ. how THANKFUL i am for you! i have had so many loyal friends fighting for me these last couple of days. without that i would be utterly lost. the Lord has been so gracious to me.

III) tiger woods is the best athlete on the planet. argue with me all you want, but what he did this weekend was special. especially after finding out that his knee was a lot more screwed up than we even thought.

d) glad the nba finals are over. get outta here, celtics (love you, oldham).

cinco) had a really interesting conversation last night with a new friend about politics and religion. where they fit together and where they most certainly do not. maybe some fodder for another post down the road.

EDIT. there must be a 6 and a G.

6) new coldplay album. it's good. really good. listen here. when i can afford it i'm going to purchase it.

g) i'm going to have another nephew. really pumped about that. hope and shepherd aaaaand... virgil. not really, but i want that to be his name.

if anyone has made it this far, thanks for reading. you are loved and appreciated. i miss kenya. and want to go back tomorrow.

the power of prayer.

2008-06-12T12:44:00.002-05:00

i've heard over and over how powerful prayer can be. but i don't know if i've ever actually believed that until last night. saving all the details, i was having a somewhat rough evening, and i inquired amongst my faithful friends for some intercession.

but before i could even get my phone out (and we all know my phone is never far away), i had a message on the handy facebook from someone who was an acquaintance at best, saying basically "chandler, you've been on my heart and mind a lot today. i hope you're doing well, and i'm thinking about you in whatever is going on." needless to say, i never should have been on this person's mind. but what perfect timing! our Lord works in mysterious ways, to be sure. after a long, comforting conversation with this new friend and some assurance and prayer from some other great friends, i felt extremely comforted and renewed.

i've always been a pretty crappy pray-er. i don't think i pray well out loud, and even when i am alone, my diligence and eloquence both leave something to be desired. but what i am trying to learn, accept, and believe is, "so what??" i don't think the Lord desires huge words or loooooong, wordy prayers. he does desire diligence, i think, and that's something i need to work on. but either way, He answers. faithfully.

as one of my friends put it, plainly but powerfully, "He is good. so good."

hymns.

2008-06-06T18:39:00.003-05:00

i love hymns. i always have. i used to love singing them in church while i sat with my grandparents growing up. i can distinctly remember their voices as they attempted to sing on key. it's one of my fondest memories of growing up at bluff park. once i began to sing in choirs and understand harmony, i loved trying to sing the other parts, instead of just the melody. when i decided to try my hand at learning piano, i sat down at our piano with the good ol' united methodist hymnal and starting playing. as the years passed and Jesus started to become more real to me, i slowly started to spend a little bit of time dissecting the texts of these hymns as i played them. and today, the more that i read hymn texts from the 17th, 18th, and 19th centuries, i realize that these are the men and women who GOT IT.

in my ever-growing frustration with the state of the american church and our "christian" music, i only have to go back to these songs. these melodies and harmonies. these poems. to be honest, in my times of greatest doubt and unbelief, i come back to many of these hymns to find solace and comfort. i realize that i'm not the only one who's ever felt like that. we still sing the words of these men who felt very similar to or exactly the way i find myself feeling all the time. Jesus is alive, and He is alive in these words. Jesus exists in the words and music of hillsong, charlie hall, derek webb, or whoever else, but when i sing the songs of charles wesley, isaac watts, and william williams, it gives me hope like nothing outside of His word can.

just read this. this is beauty:

i love the windows of thy grace
through which my Lord is seen.
and long to meet my Saviour's face
without a glass between.

oh that the happy hour would come
to change my faith to sight;
i shall behold my Lord at home
in a diviner light.

haste, my Belov'd, and remove
these interposing days.
then shall my passions all be love
and all my pow'rs be praise.

-i. watts

disragarding the lies.

2008-05-26T12:13:00.005-05:00

how easy it has become to believe lies that satan places in my head!

i have always always struggled a bit with self-doubt. and when i say "a bit", i mean a lot. i constantly find myself easily giving in to the idea that i can't do something that i want to do. it happens everyday, and i'm basically sick of it. it's time for confidence to be something that i'm not scared of.

i may not be the best singer in the world, but i've accomplished a good bit that i have my voice to thank for.

i may not play guitar or piano better than a lot of people i know, but i ought to be content and thankful for the ability that i do have.

i may always feel like i'm bothering others, or in someone else's way, but it's time to stop thinking that way.

we spend so much time comparing ourselves to others. we compare financial statuses, dating statuses, talents, abilities, strongpoints, and even fears and problems. this is 100% a waste of our time, and i, for one, am sick of it. in philippians, paul says to be content in all circumstances. good or bad. whether you're lying on your deathbed or standing at the alter on your wedding day. i am praying for the strength to believe this and do it. join me, will you?

happy memorial day. a lot of people have sacrificed a lot for you and me. thank them today.

self-ish.

2008-05-23T12:20:00.000-05:00

i am that. i pray that i can no longer be. change me, oh God.

after the last tear falls, there is love.

2008-05-20T16:46:00.000-05:00

quick update, for anyone that reads this...

just got back from a week-ish at disney world. my first time, and loved it about 1000 x more than i thought i would. it really is very magical.

the Lord has been teaching me a lot about myself lately. really scary things that are hard to even admit to myself. but these lessons are necessary, especially where i am right now.

it's been about a month since my life changed forever. i never expected to learn so much from a relationship ending, and it's been a really strange but rewarding time. things just keep getting better.

it looks as though an extended amount of time living in Kenya is in my future. and that is largely what keeps me going.

lately i've been shown many things that would fall into the category of "unexpected". unexpected decisions, unexpected plans, unexpected people, unexpected conversations, unexpected friendships. no matter how unexpected, all of these have been greatly appreciated and enjoyed.

i love my life. my Father has been quite graceful and faithful.

the pull that shall not cease

2008-03-30T15:31:00.000-05:00

i'm not sure if i expected anything. i've always viewed expectation as a really easy way to set myself up for disappointment. maybe it was that i had no idea what to expect in the first place.

i do know that i was scared. and excited. doing something you've never done before always has some combination of those two emotions. scared, but excited. excited, but scared. in the case of something new, i don't think it's possible to have one without the other. i think He likes it that way. He probably enjoys the uncertainty that bothers us, because he knows that it wouldn't exist if we kept our eyes focused on Him. i tend to think i serve a somewhat humorous God.

the preparations felt endless. was it worth all of this? all of this money, all of this prayer, all of this time i was giving up with the people i love... would a difference be made, not on my behalf, but on His?

fast forward to august 4th, 2007.

it was over. it was scary, it was exciting. it was unexpected. all of it. but it was worth it. a difference was made, not on my behalf but on His.

i saw people saved. both from physical death and from eternal. i saw miracles. i met incredible people who will be with me forever, whether i ever see them again or not. i found a home away from home.

but as much as a 2 month "mission trip" (that's a stupid term, hence the quotes) to Kenya was the most challenging, eye-opening, bold, frightening, beautiful thing i've ever been involved with, today, 7 months later, i still don't think i've gotten very far in dissecting it. i'll probably be figuring it out for years to come. i doubt i'll ever fully understand why He sent me there.

the point of all this is, i want to go back. i need to go back. i have to go back. i know that everyone who ever goes on a trip like this feels the same way, but every day i wake up thinking a little more that i'm supposed to be doing it for the rest of my life. and that's really damn scary, to be frank. the direction i see the next few years heading doesn't really involve any trips to africa. so am i doing something wrong?

i've been struggling a lot lately with what the easy road for my future is, and what the correct road for my future is. the easy road being what my selfish self wants, and the correct being what He wants for me.

my prayer is that i could a.) figure out if anything that i want is included in what He wants, and b.) to follow His path. always. without delay, without hesitation, without ceasing.

what story i am on

2008-03-25T23:14:00.000-05:00

beach was good. being with four females wore on me after awhile, but the trip was definitely relaxing.

easter was not really easter (see last blog post), but got to spend it with my second family, and it was great to have my younger brother around.

back to school... not much to say except blah. awesome to see my friends that i have missed, though.

went on a music buying rampage today, which is never a good thing. i've been a lot better about such things recently in my never-ending quest to try to be more responsible with my money. but today i folded somewhat. here's a small rundown of what's been pleasing my ears lately (a lot of this is stuff i haven't bought yet but will probably get, because i've heard so many good things):

band of horses "cease to begin"
foals
vampire weekend (self-titled)
the raconteurs new one sounds amazing
gnarls barkley's new one does too
ari hest's "52" is an incredible idea (check it out here)
griffin house "flying upside down"
punch brothers "punch"

and my biggest kick...

kings of leon. love them so much right now.

it's amazing how much good music there is out there, just waiting to be listened to.

and i'm glad people like the one who writes this exist so they can make fun of us. we deserve it.

the strong the tempted and the weak
are one in Jesus now.

waiting for the rain to come

2008-03-19T17:10:00.000-05:00

for most, it seems that this equation rings true:

beach + rain/storm = boredom/lack of fun/not a good time

am i the only one who feels the opposite? granted, i'm not really a beach person to begin with. sand bugs me. the water is never as pretty as you expect it's going to be (too many episodes of "LOST" i guess). anything below 80 degrees at the beach is cold to me (which, on march 19, is the case).

but as a small storm, some incredibly rough surf, and a messy beach full of jellyfish all ruined the day of most Destin beach-goers, i've been really content with the day. it's probably just because i'm generally a boring person. but regardless, i'm happy.

i feel certain that i'm probably the 50,000th person to post this on a blog today, but our friend barack obama had some pretty decent things to say in his speech on race from tuesday night.

(sidebar): even though i'm pursuing a political science degree, i've been pretty disgusted with the presidential primary crap this time around. being four years older has really opened my eyes to how insane this entire process can be. when it comes down to it, no matter how many college kids i'm around who act like they care because it's the cool thing to do, or how many people on cnn or msnbc or fox or drudgereport.com or anything else of the sort try to convince me that all of this matters, i still find myself feeling the same way: i just don't really care that much.

however, it is really refreshing to see a candidate be as honest about an issue as obama was last night. one of my least favorite things is political debate, so my opinion on the entire thing doesn't matter a whole lot. but, he was honest. to me, he accurately portrayed the race in our country. i'm not convinced that he or anyone can fix our country.. at all. there's only One who can do that. but do i think he would give it a good shot, yes. then again, i think clinton and mccain would too. but, i kind of have to be partial to someone with kenyan blood.

all i ask for is john edwards as a running mate.

lastly, and quickly, my family had easter sunday a week early, which consists of our small but incredible family at our house for food, laughter, dogs, and egg hunting. here are some pictures that jennifer's camera and my new obsession with photoshop elements produced:

back, hopefully

2008-03-10T12:28:00.000-05:00

seeing as my last post was in october, I seem to have failed miserably at the blogging thing, but since I tend to be a blog-stalker, I think it's only appropriate that I attempt to keep this thing somewhat updated with things that go on inside my head.

I have some things brewing, but for now, this song was sent to me last week by a dear friend whom I may or may not have spent 2 months with in the beautiful country of kenya last summer. I can't encourage enough a download of it on itunes if you have the $.99 to spare. the guy's voice is incredible, and more importantly this song seems to perfectly embody an important thing that the Gospel asks of us. I think it sort of speaks for itself...read on...

indiscriminate act of kindness
by:: foy vance

she came from the cold wet
dropped her luggage bags
looked the concierge in the eye
said, "I need a room for the night,
but I don't got no money.
would you take payment of any kind?"

he said, "it's alright
I got a room here, you can share mine.
make the bed in the morning and that'll do fine.
you can change in the bathroom,
hang your clothes on the line."
a tear came to her eye
she thought how could he be so kind
how could he be so kind

she sat down on the bed with a needle
he said, "I'd hate to see you bleed,
just fetch a warm towel,
I'll sit with you til you're dry."
she started to cry
said, "why? why? why? why? why? why?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

she was cold turkey
he was holding her hand
she said, "I was ruined by man,
this was never in my plans.
I dreamed of men who loved me,
together we'd see the world.
somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled."

"I'm sure your a wonderful woman,
and someday there will surely be someone.
so just relax now, it's important that you're calm."

she said, "How is it you can see past me as I am?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

"when you took your chances,
it was like you placed a bet.
and sometimes this is the reward you can get.
I was always taught
if you see someone defiled,
you should look them in the eyes and smile,
and take their heart, no better yet
take them home, home, home."

she awoke early in the morning
made the bed, gathered up her clothes to leave
saw the concierge curled on the settee
said, "what you did for me was hard for me to believe."

"I was just doing what was right.
no one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
if you can help someone,
bear this in mind
and consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness."

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

that is beauty.

In Rainbows

2007-10-10T13:04:00.000-05:00

It's funny... There's nothing better than waking up to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee to start your day off right before that 8:00 AM class. BUT, I discovered today that, although you may put coffee in the filter, put the filter in the coffee maker, and press the button for "Delay Brew" and set the time for 7:15 AM, you'll be disappointed in the morning if you forget one important (dare I say the MOST important) element.

Water.

Yes, I'm an idiot.

New Radiohead album today. Pay whatever you want. Pretty good deal, I'd say. Get it HERE.

this too shall be made right

2007-10-02T10:15:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I'm not doing the best job of keeping this thing updated. I'll be better. Promise.

First, music. Not a lot of detail, but check these artists/songs/albums/whatever out. And as always, trust me.

1) Red Mountain Music
-A church in Birmingham, they basically take old hymn texts and write new music for them. So me loving hymns like I do, this is good stuff for me, and for you too. Check it out.

2) Brooke Waggoner
-Listen to the song "Hush If You Must". Really cool song. I want to buy her EP, but I'm trying to be diligent about saving money. I probably will break soon though, because this song is really catchy and I've heard many good things.

Let's see...other albums I recommend that I didn't talk about last time:
Andrew Osenga: "Letters to the Editor, Vol. 1" (all of the songs came from ideas from people who read his blog...interesting idea)

Aqualung: "Memory Man"

Caedmon's Call: "Overdressed" (Derek Webb back with the band)

Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds: "Live at Radio City"

Explosions in the Sky: "All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone" and "The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place"

Martin Sexton: "Seeds"

Patrick Park: "Everyone's in Everyone"

I'm also anxiously awaiting the purchase/release of albums on the horizon from Iron & Wine, Andrew Peterson, Andy Gullahorn, Ben Shive, Radiohead (cool story on their new album here), Bebo Norman (Christmas album), Jose Gonzalez, Josh Ritter, and Matt Pond PA.

My community group through Grace Campus has been such an encouragement to me this year. Mainly due to one guy, who I know will never read this, but I'll withhold his name anyway. The book we're reading is good, the fellowship with everyone is as well, but this one friend is the reason I continue to return each week. This guy is a super-nice guy; he's your typical college guy with the Polo hat, collared shirts, shorts that are ALMOST too short. He drives a truck, loves to hunt and fish, and has a wonderful Southern accent that would be impossible for me to duplicate. To be candid, on the surface, he's the kind of guy that I love to hate. Being the judgmental person that I often am, I came to many assumptions upon first seeing him/hearing him talk/hearing his story. Some of them right, some of them not. He was the first person to introduce himself to me as I awkwardly walked into the Gay Street House, late for my first week of community groups. But, as I often do, I overlooked that and didn't chalk one up in the "Good" column.

I see that I am rambling, so let me get to the point. After spending high school and the first part of college drinking a lot, he had, just a week or so before our first meeting, been convicted and started to read the Word, and was becoming a new creation. And even though it was a brand new thing, this guy was on fire. He had a passion for Christ...to know more about Him, to grow closer to Him, and to read His Word. I had never seen anything like this before in my life. The situation just seemed so opposite when I first walked into that group. My assumptions were completely off base, though. Each week, he has continued to grow and grow. He speaks of reading his Bible two or three times daily. He reads our chapters that we're assigned in our book multiple times. He comes with questions for those of us who have been believers longer. He underlines things in the book and is the first one to speak up. This guy is SEEKING and FINDING. I wish you could all see it. It's obvious that he is young in his faith, but his zeal and passion is something that I've never seen in myself. Ever. I don't know how he ended up at Encounter, or how I ended up in the same group as him, but I couldn't be more thankful.

Long story, I apologize.

I need the weather to stay cool, and not let this just be a tease. And also, please cool off just a little during the day. Thanks. I'll call Bob Jeswald and see if he can get on that immediately.

Fantasy Update: I'm 3-1. Not scoring many points, but somehow I'm still winning. I'm trusting that Marvin Harrison will be OK, that Adrian Peterson (from Oklahoma) will continue to get carries, that Anquan Boldin will come back from injury, and that I can find a tight end that's worth a crap.

My girlfriend is incredible. Have I told you about her? You should meet her...she's awesome. I find so much joy in her that it's crazy. She teaches me things every day, despite the miles between us. I'm sure she'll come up again very soon, but I just wanted to mention how thankful I am to have her in my life.

I want a camera. Really bad. Nikon D40, preferably. Make checks payable to me.

Grace and Peace.

feel smart again.

2007-09-19T15:18:00.000-05:00

Check out this website. It's the site for a magazine that a guy named Will Pearson started a few years ago. Will was one of my brother's best friends in high school, and he also attends my church at home and was a mentor to me in when I was in high school. He was named one of the 30 coolest young entrepreneurs under 30 by INC. Magazine earlier this year.

Anyway, regardless of friendships, the magazine is really entertaining, and the website has some cool links and blog posts to keep you busy during times of boredom. Check it out.

Music Mondays

2007-09-17T17:31:00.000-05:00

Monday Music Goodies::

First and foremost, let me introduce you to Matthew Perryman Jones. He's singer/songwriter from Nashville, and his album Throwing Punches in the Dark might be the best album I own. Which is saying a lot, with how much I love DMB and the old Bebo and Caedmon's albums. MPJ's music is honest, real, and somewhat raw, but his voice is awesome and something about this album just hooks you and reels you in. It's just incredible. He has two other old albums, but they're out of print, and I'm about ready to go up to Nashville to his doorstep and demand the recordings. Regardless, GET Throwing Punches in the Dark. It will be worth your while. (Hard to find info about him, but he's playing in B'ham twice in the next couple of months, including this Saturday at Workplay. Also, check out a fan site here.)

More reviews of stuff I've gotten since I returned (and right before I left):

1) Sara Bareilles (ba-rell-is) - Little Voice
Your basic girl-power piano-pop, but really good stuff. Hard to think of a comparison, though it should be really easy. Nothing too stellar on the piano, but has a really powerful, awesome voice that she highlights on "Gravity" and "Come Round Soon". 7.5/10

2) Jon McLaughlin - Indiana
Singer/songwriter in the mold of Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz, etc., except he plays piano. And he's really good at it. The album is almost too poppy for me, but there are some solid songs, including "Indiana", "Industry", and "Perfect". I think the record deal and over-production covers up the fact that Jon is a really talented guy. 8/10

3) Ari Hest - The Break-In
Ari's just incredible. Pretty low-key album, but much of that has to do with his voice. It's a real gravelly baritone that is one of the most unique voices out there today. Sure, D. Barnes and Wertz and Jon McL and whoever else are great, but it's nice to have a change-up sometimes, and Ari's voice is a perfect example of that. Great writing, basic but inspired production, and that voice make for a solid sophomore effort. Favorite song is "When and If". Also recommend his first album Someone to Tell. 8.5/10

4) Wilco - Sky Blue Sky
I don't pretend to be a huge Wilco fan, or to know a lot about them or about Jeff Tweedy or whatever else. I just like their originality, willingness to take chances, and interesting songwriting. Heard a lot of positives about this album before it's release, so I picked it up, and think it's pretty good. Definitely not "experimental" like Yankee Hotel Foxtrot or A Ghost is Born were. It's hard for me to really classify it. To me, it's really basic stuff, but basic stuff done REALLY well. They obviously set out with a certain vision, and made it happen. Some great guitar solos, especially on "Impossible Germany". 8/10

5) Jeremy Casella - Rcvry (Recovery)
This guy is another Nashville singer/songwriter who is a member of the Square Peg Alliance (also here). The SPA is musician collective of Christian independent singer/songwriters from Nashville who often play together, play on each other's records, and just support each other. Some of my favorite artists are a part of SPA, but I had never really listened to Casella much. However, for the months leading up to its release, all I heard were GLOWING reviews of his newest album. So, being the music-buying fiend that I am, I picked it up from Itunes and was NOT disappointed. It's Nashville singer/songwriter with electronic, classical, and rock sounds thrown in. It makes for a really amazing mix of songs, the highlight for me being "The Space Between Living & Dying". This is another one of those that you really just need to get if you like to support good independent Christian artists and like great music. 9.5/10

I just realized that I have about 10 more that I've gotten recently, so I'll save those for another time.

daylight
your love is like daylight
your love is like a sharp knife
that cuts through all the pain
-Jeremy Casella

It's been a great day, by the way. The Lord is doing good work in me, and hopefully through me.

Driving a Land Rover around is really weird.

I have to start being nice and quiet in Singers...what a shame.

I love my roommates.

wcp

love, wash over a multitude of things...

2007-09-16T20:37:00.000-05:00

Amazing the difference a little bit of time makes.

This may seem really silly to say, but it's still incredible to me how, if you earnestly ask the Lord for help, He doesn't really hesitate in giving it to you.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and characters produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."
-Romans 5:3-5

I just don't feel like the person that I was when I first got back. Those first couple of weeks, I felt...I guess "fresh" is the best word. It's not what I really mean, but after such a hard two months, it was great to be back in my old life, but CHANGED. I'm not living like that anymore. More than anything, I've been praying for the discernment and strength to figure out exactly what I was doing then, and get back to it. I'm beginning to figure it out.

Bebo Norman is probably my 3rd favorite artist of all time, and I'll always be a fan, regardless of how his music changes, just because he has "it". Or at least whatever "it" is that makes me a HUGE fan of someone's music. But, one cannot help but be a bit disappointed in him after Friday at Lakeview. I saw him play in Dothan last October with a couple of friends, and the setlist was exactly the same Friday as that show last year (besides one different song). AND, every single joke, story, speech, introduction, etc. was identical. So, I was hoping for more, and got the same. But, Monk and Neagle were not incredible, but entertaining. And Shane and Shane know how to lead some worship. Thought their band was impressive.

It's not good to be an Auburn Football fan today. But, commitment and NOT being a fair-weather fan is important. And don't boo Brandon Cox. (but hey, who wouldn't want to see Kodi run around for the rest of the year...?)

I'll have a music update soon...according to Austin, I add music on Facebook that nobody's ever heard of. And people NEED to, so I'll do some reviews.

wcp

First thing's first

2007-09-13T19:56:00.000-05:00

My first blog...let's hope this thing gets kept up with.

I've been back in the States for 41 days. For some reason, that's insane to me. 41 days ago, I KNEW that my life was never going to be the same, and that I wasn't going to fall back into any old routines from before June 3rd. I was sure. It took about 2 days for me to start, and now, 41 days later, my life feels strangely like it did on June 2nd, without the excitement of an impending trip to Kenya. Not that my life wasn't pretty damn good before that. I was and still am blessed to have a wonderful family and girlfriend who mean absolutely everything to me. School is OK, everything else is OK. My relationship with Christ is OK... I believe a little more than I ever have, and I understand a little more than I ever have. But even writing that last sentence, I have a hard time describing in words my relationship with Him. That scares me a lot.

I have it really good, when I really think about it. Jennifer is INCREDIBLE to me, no matter whether I deserve it or not. My friends amaze me every day with their encouragement, cheerfulness, humor, and Godliness. I go to a great school and have opportunities every day that most people in the world will never have in a lifetime. I get to do what I love (sing) with people I respect and love, no matter how frustrating it is at times.

But I'm just really confused about the place I'm in right now. But, I know that all of the indecision and confusion comes down to me lacking the one and only Thing I need need. I think the main thing I'm missing is commitment. Commitment to the Word, to journaling, to learning, to praying, to just spending time with the One who deserves all my time. I am praying for guidance, direction, and strength to be committed. Your prayers are also appreciated.

I am blessed
I am blessed
I am blessed to be a witness

-wcp