the pull that shall not cease

i'm not sure if i expected anything. i've always viewed expectation as a really easy way to set myself up for disappointment. maybe it was that i had no idea what to expect in the first place.

i do know that i was scared. and excited. doing something you've never done before always has some combination of those two emotions. scared, but excited. excited, but scared. in the case of something new, i don't think it's possible to have one without the other. i think He likes it that way. He probably enjoys the uncertainty that bothers us, because he knows that it wouldn't exist if we kept our eyes focused on Him. i tend to think i serve a somewhat humorous God.

the preparations felt endless. was it worth all of this? all of this money, all of this prayer, all of this time i was giving up with the people i love... would a difference be made, not on my behalf, but on His?


fast forward to august 4th, 2007.

it was over. it was scary, it was exciting. it was unexpected. all of it. but it was worth it. a difference was made, not on my behalf but on His.

i saw people saved. both from physical death and from eternal. i saw miracles. i met incredible people who will be with me forever, whether i ever see them again or not. i found a home away from home.

but as much as a 2 month "mission trip" (that's a stupid term, hence the quotes) to Kenya was the most challenging, eye-opening, bold, frightening, beautiful thing i've ever been involved with, today, 7 months later, i still don't think i've gotten very far in dissecting it. i'll probably be figuring it out for years to come. i doubt i'll ever fully understand why He sent me there.

the point of all this is, i want to go back. i need to go back. i have to go back. i know that everyone who ever goes on a trip like this feels the same way, but every day i wake up thinking a little more that i'm supposed to be doing it for the rest of my life. and that's really damn scary, to be frank. the direction i see the next few years heading doesn't really involve any trips to africa. so am i doing something wrong?

i've been struggling a lot lately with what the easy road for my future is, and what the correct road for my future is. the easy road being what my selfish self wants, and the correct being what He wants for me.

my prayer is that i could a.) figure out if anything that i want is included in what He wants, and b.) to follow His path. always. without delay, without hesitation, without ceasing.

what story i am on

beach was good. being with four females wore on me after awhile, but the trip was definitely relaxing.

easter was not really easter (see last blog post), but got to spend it with my second family, and it was great to have my younger brother around.

back to school... not much to say except blah. awesome to see my friends that i have missed, though.

went on a music buying rampage today, which is never a good thing. i've been a lot better about such things recently in my never-ending quest to try to be more responsible with my money. but today i folded somewhat. here's a small rundown of what's been pleasing my ears lately (a lot of this is stuff i haven't bought yet but will probably get, because i've heard so many good things):

band of horses "cease to begin"
foals
vampire weekend (self-titled)
the raconteurs new one sounds amazing
gnarls barkley's new one does too
ari hest's "52" is an incredible idea (check it out here)
griffin house "flying upside down"
punch brothers "punch"

and my biggest kick...

kings of leon. love them so much right now.


it's amazing how much good music there is out there, just waiting to be listened to.

and i'm glad people like the one who writes this exist so they can make fun of us. we deserve it.



the strong the tempted and the weak
are one in Jesus now.

waiting for the rain to come

for most, it seems that this equation rings true:

beach + rain/storm = boredom/lack of fun/not a good time


am i the only one who feels the opposite? granted, i'm not really a beach person to begin with. sand bugs me. the water is never as pretty as you expect it's going to be (too many episodes of "LOST" i guess). anything below 80 degrees at the beach is cold to me (which, on march 19, is the case).

but as a small storm, some incredibly rough surf, and a messy beach full of jellyfish all ruined the day of most Destin beach-goers, i've been really content with the day. it's probably just because i'm generally a boring person. but regardless, i'm happy.



i feel certain that i'm probably the 50,000th person to post this on a blog today, but our friend barack obama had some pretty decent things to say in his speech on race from tuesday night.


(sidebar): even though i'm pursuing a political science degree, i've been pretty disgusted with the presidential primary crap this time around. being four years older has really opened my eyes to how insane this entire process can be. when it comes down to it, no matter how many college kids i'm around who act like they care because it's the cool thing to do, or how many people on cnn or msnbc or fox or drudgereport.com or anything else of the sort try to convince me that all of this matters, i still find myself feeling the same way: i just don't really care that much.


however, it is really refreshing to see a candidate be as honest about an issue as obama was last night. one of my least favorite things is political debate, so my opinion on the entire thing doesn't matter a whole lot. but, he was honest. to me, he accurately portrayed the race in our country. i'm not convinced that he or anyone can fix our country.. at all. there's only One who can do that. but do i think he would give it a good shot, yes. then again, i think clinton and mccain would too. but, i kind of have to be partial to someone with kenyan blood.

all i ask for is john edwards as a running mate.



lastly, and quickly, my family had easter sunday a week early, which consists of our small but incredible family at our house for food, laughter, dogs, and egg hunting. here are some pictures that jennifer's camera and my new obsession with photoshop elements produced:

back, hopefully

seeing as my last post was in october, I seem to have failed miserably at the blogging thing, but since I tend to be a blog-stalker, I think it's only appropriate that I attempt to keep this thing somewhat updated with things that go on inside my head.

I have some things brewing, but for now, this song was sent to me last week by a dear friend whom I may or may not have spent 2 months with in the beautiful country of kenya last summer. I can't encourage enough a download of it on itunes if you have the $.99 to spare. the guy's voice is incredible, and more importantly this song seems to perfectly embody an important thing that the Gospel asks of us. I think it sort of speaks for itself...read on...

indiscriminate act of kindness
by:: foy vance

she came from the cold wet
dropped her luggage bags
looked the concierge in the eye
said, "I need a room for the night,
but I don't got no money.
would you take payment of any kind?"

he said, "it's alright
I got a room here, you can share mine.
make the bed in the morning and that'll do fine.
you can change in the bathroom,
hang your clothes on the line."
a tear came to her eye
she thought how could he be so kind
how could he be so kind

she sat down on the bed with a needle
he said, "I'd hate to see you bleed,
just fetch a warm towel,
I'll sit with you til you're dry."
she started to cry
said, "why? why? why? why? why? why?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

she was cold turkey
he was holding her hand
she said, "I was ruined by man,
this was never in my plans.
I dreamed of men who loved me,
together we'd see the world.
somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled."

"I'm sure your a wonderful woman,
and someday there will surely be someone.
so just relax now, it's important that you're calm."

she said, "How is it you can see past me as I am?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

"when you took your chances,
it was like you placed a bet.
and sometimes this is the reward you can get.
I was always taught
if you see someone defiled,
you should look them in the eyes and smile,
and take their heart, no better yet
take them home, home, home."

she awoke early in the morning
made the bed, gathered up her clothes to leave
saw the concierge curled on the settee
said, "what you did for me was hard for me to believe."

"I was just doing what was right.
no one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
if you can help someone,
bear this in mind
and consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness."

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.


that is beauty.

In Rainbows

It's funny... There's nothing better than waking up to the smell of a fresh pot of coffee to start your day off right before that 8:00 AM class. BUT, I discovered today that, although you may put coffee in the filter, put the filter in the coffee maker, and press the button for "Delay Brew" and set the time for 7:15 AM, you'll be disappointed in the morning if you forget one important (dare I say the MOST important) element.

Water.

Yes, I'm an idiot.


New Radiohead album today. Pay whatever you want. Pretty good deal, I'd say. Get it HERE.

this too shall be made right

Ok, so I'm not doing the best job of keeping this thing updated. I'll be better. Promise.

First, music. Not a lot of detail, but check these artists/songs/albums/whatever out. And as always, trust me.

1) Red Mountain Music
-A church in Birmingham, they basically take old hymn texts and write new music for them. So me loving hymns like I do, this is good stuff for me, and for you too. Check it out.

2) Brooke Waggoner
-Listen to the song "Hush If You Must". Really cool song. I want to buy her EP, but I'm trying to be diligent about saving money. I probably will break soon though, because this song is really catchy and I've heard many good things.

Let's see...other albums I recommend that I didn't talk about last time:
Andrew Osenga: "Letters to the Editor, Vol. 1" (all of the songs came from ideas from people who read his blog...interesting idea)

Aqualung: "Memory Man"

Caedmon's Call: "Overdressed" (Derek Webb back with the band)

Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds: "Live at Radio City"

Explosions in the Sky: "All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone" and "The Earth is Not a Cold Dead Place"

Martin Sexton: "Seeds"

Patrick Park: "Everyone's in Everyone"

I'm also anxiously awaiting the purchase/release of albums on the horizon from Iron & Wine, Andrew Peterson, Andy Gullahorn, Ben Shive, Radiohead (cool story on their new album here), Bebo Norman (Christmas album), Jose Gonzalez, Josh Ritter, and Matt Pond PA.


My community group through Grace Campus has been such an encouragement to me this year. Mainly due to one guy, who I know will never read this, but I'll withhold his name anyway. The book we're reading is good, the fellowship with everyone is as well, but this one friend is the reason I continue to return each week. This guy is a super-nice guy; he's your typical college guy with the Polo hat, collared shirts, shorts that are ALMOST too short. He drives a truck, loves to hunt and fish, and has a wonderful Southern accent that would be impossible for me to duplicate. To be candid, on the surface, he's the kind of guy that I love to hate. Being the judgmental person that I often am, I came to many assumptions upon first seeing him/hearing him talk/hearing his story. Some of them right, some of them not. He was the first person to introduce himself to me as I awkwardly walked into the Gay Street House, late for my first week of community groups. But, as I often do, I overlooked that and didn't chalk one up in the "Good" column.

I see that I am rambling, so let me get to the point. After spending high school and the first part of college drinking a lot, he had, just a week or so before our first meeting, been convicted and started to read the Word, and was becoming a new creation. And even though it was a brand new thing, this guy was on fire. He had a passion for Christ...to know more about Him, to grow closer to Him, and to read His Word. I had never seen anything like this before in my life. The situation just seemed so opposite when I first walked into that group. My assumptions were completely off base, though. Each week, he has continued to grow and grow. He speaks of reading his Bible two or three times daily. He reads our chapters that we're assigned in our book multiple times. He comes with questions for those of us who have been believers longer. He underlines things in the book and is the first one to speak up. This guy is SEEKING and FINDING. I wish you could all see it. It's obvious that he is young in his faith, but his zeal and passion is something that I've never seen in myself. Ever. I don't know how he ended up at Encounter, or how I ended up in the same group as him, but I couldn't be more thankful.

Long story, I apologize.


I need the weather to stay cool, and not let this just be a tease. And also, please cool off just a little during the day. Thanks. I'll call Bob Jeswald and see if he can get on that immediately.

Fantasy Update: I'm 3-1. Not scoring many points, but somehow I'm still winning. I'm trusting that Marvin Harrison will be OK, that Adrian Peterson (from Oklahoma) will continue to get carries, that Anquan Boldin will come back from injury, and that I can find a tight end that's worth a crap.

My girlfriend is incredible. Have I told you about her? You should meet her...she's awesome. I find so much joy in her that it's crazy. She teaches me things every day, despite the miles between us. I'm sure she'll come up again very soon, but I just wanted to mention how thankful I am to have her in my life.

I want a camera. Really bad. Nikon D40, preferably. Make checks payable to me.



Grace and Peace.

feel smart again.

Check out this website. It's the site for a magazine that a guy named Will Pearson started a few years ago. Will was one of my brother's best friends in high school, and he also attends my church at home and was a mentor to me in when I was in high school. He was named one of the 30 coolest young entrepreneurs under 30 by INC. Magazine earlier this year.

Anyway, regardless of friendships, the magazine is really entertaining, and the website has some cool links and blog posts to keep you busy during times of boredom. Check it out.