the pull that shall not cease

i'm not sure if i expected anything. i've always viewed expectation as a really easy way to set myself up for disappointment. maybe it was that i had no idea what to expect in the first place.

i do know that i was scared. and excited. doing something you've never done before always has some combination of those two emotions. scared, but excited. excited, but scared. in the case of something new, i don't think it's possible to have one without the other. i think He likes it that way. He probably enjoys the uncertainty that bothers us, because he knows that it wouldn't exist if we kept our eyes focused on Him. i tend to think i serve a somewhat humorous God.

the preparations felt endless. was it worth all of this? all of this money, all of this prayer, all of this time i was giving up with the people i love... would a difference be made, not on my behalf, but on His?


fast forward to august 4th, 2007.

it was over. it was scary, it was exciting. it was unexpected. all of it. but it was worth it. a difference was made, not on my behalf but on His.

i saw people saved. both from physical death and from eternal. i saw miracles. i met incredible people who will be with me forever, whether i ever see them again or not. i found a home away from home.

but as much as a 2 month "mission trip" (that's a stupid term, hence the quotes) to Kenya was the most challenging, eye-opening, bold, frightening, beautiful thing i've ever been involved with, today, 7 months later, i still don't think i've gotten very far in dissecting it. i'll probably be figuring it out for years to come. i doubt i'll ever fully understand why He sent me there.

the point of all this is, i want to go back. i need to go back. i have to go back. i know that everyone who ever goes on a trip like this feels the same way, but every day i wake up thinking a little more that i'm supposed to be doing it for the rest of my life. and that's really damn scary, to be frank. the direction i see the next few years heading doesn't really involve any trips to africa. so am i doing something wrong?

i've been struggling a lot lately with what the easy road for my future is, and what the correct road for my future is. the easy road being what my selfish self wants, and the correct being what He wants for me.

my prayer is that i could a.) figure out if anything that i want is included in what He wants, and b.) to follow His path. always. without delay, without hesitation, without ceasing.

what story i am on

beach was good. being with four females wore on me after awhile, but the trip was definitely relaxing.

easter was not really easter (see last blog post), but got to spend it with my second family, and it was great to have my younger brother around.

back to school... not much to say except blah. awesome to see my friends that i have missed, though.

went on a music buying rampage today, which is never a good thing. i've been a lot better about such things recently in my never-ending quest to try to be more responsible with my money. but today i folded somewhat. here's a small rundown of what's been pleasing my ears lately (a lot of this is stuff i haven't bought yet but will probably get, because i've heard so many good things):

band of horses "cease to begin"
foals
vampire weekend (self-titled)
the raconteurs new one sounds amazing
gnarls barkley's new one does too
ari hest's "52" is an incredible idea (check it out here)
griffin house "flying upside down"
punch brothers "punch"

and my biggest kick...

kings of leon. love them so much right now.


it's amazing how much good music there is out there, just waiting to be listened to.

and i'm glad people like the one who writes this exist so they can make fun of us. we deserve it.



the strong the tempted and the weak
are one in Jesus now.

waiting for the rain to come

for most, it seems that this equation rings true:

beach + rain/storm = boredom/lack of fun/not a good time


am i the only one who feels the opposite? granted, i'm not really a beach person to begin with. sand bugs me. the water is never as pretty as you expect it's going to be (too many episodes of "LOST" i guess). anything below 80 degrees at the beach is cold to me (which, on march 19, is the case).

but as a small storm, some incredibly rough surf, and a messy beach full of jellyfish all ruined the day of most Destin beach-goers, i've been really content with the day. it's probably just because i'm generally a boring person. but regardless, i'm happy.



i feel certain that i'm probably the 50,000th person to post this on a blog today, but our friend barack obama had some pretty decent things to say in his speech on race from tuesday night.


(sidebar): even though i'm pursuing a political science degree, i've been pretty disgusted with the presidential primary crap this time around. being four years older has really opened my eyes to how insane this entire process can be. when it comes down to it, no matter how many college kids i'm around who act like they care because it's the cool thing to do, or how many people on cnn or msnbc or fox or drudgereport.com or anything else of the sort try to convince me that all of this matters, i still find myself feeling the same way: i just don't really care that much.


however, it is really refreshing to see a candidate be as honest about an issue as obama was last night. one of my least favorite things is political debate, so my opinion on the entire thing doesn't matter a whole lot. but, he was honest. to me, he accurately portrayed the race in our country. i'm not convinced that he or anyone can fix our country.. at all. there's only One who can do that. but do i think he would give it a good shot, yes. then again, i think clinton and mccain would too. but, i kind of have to be partial to someone with kenyan blood.

all i ask for is john edwards as a running mate.



lastly, and quickly, my family had easter sunday a week early, which consists of our small but incredible family at our house for food, laughter, dogs, and egg hunting. here are some pictures that jennifer's camera and my new obsession with photoshop elements produced:

back, hopefully

seeing as my last post was in october, I seem to have failed miserably at the blogging thing, but since I tend to be a blog-stalker, I think it's only appropriate that I attempt to keep this thing somewhat updated with things that go on inside my head.

I have some things brewing, but for now, this song was sent to me last week by a dear friend whom I may or may not have spent 2 months with in the beautiful country of kenya last summer. I can't encourage enough a download of it on itunes if you have the $.99 to spare. the guy's voice is incredible, and more importantly this song seems to perfectly embody an important thing that the Gospel asks of us. I think it sort of speaks for itself...read on...

indiscriminate act of kindness
by:: foy vance

she came from the cold wet
dropped her luggage bags
looked the concierge in the eye
said, "I need a room for the night,
but I don't got no money.
would you take payment of any kind?"

he said, "it's alright
I got a room here, you can share mine.
make the bed in the morning and that'll do fine.
you can change in the bathroom,
hang your clothes on the line."
a tear came to her eye
she thought how could he be so kind
how could he be so kind

she sat down on the bed with a needle
he said, "I'd hate to see you bleed,
just fetch a warm towel,
I'll sit with you til you're dry."
she started to cry
said, "why? why? why? why? why? why?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

she was cold turkey
he was holding her hand
she said, "I was ruined by man,
this was never in my plans.
I dreamed of men who loved me,
together we'd see the world.
somehow I lost myself among the insults they hurled."

"I'm sure your a wonderful woman,
and someday there will surely be someone.
so just relax now, it's important that you're calm."

she said, "How is it you can see past me as I am?"

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.

"when you took your chances,
it was like you placed a bet.
and sometimes this is the reward you can get.
I was always taught
if you see someone defiled,
you should look them in the eyes and smile,
and take their heart, no better yet
take them home, home, home."

she awoke early in the morning
made the bed, gathered up her clothes to leave
saw the concierge curled on the settee
said, "what you did for me was hard for me to believe."

"I was just doing what was right.
no one that knows love could leave you out there on such a night.
if you can help someone,
bear this in mind
and consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness."

consider it an indiscriminate act of kindness.


that is beauty.