pensive, doubting, fearful heart

lately, and often, i find myself searching for validation in something other than our Lord.
and for something to comfort me other than our Lord.
and for companionship during the lonely times from someone other than our Lord.
and solace from the struggles of life from somewhere other than our Lord.

i do not doubt that this is a common problem for you as well, my friends. let's fight it together. let's fight for each other. surrender.

in other news, is the expression "girl of my dreams" a fair label to put on someone? i'm not really sure why i ask, but i've been thinking, if i am bold/stupid enough to put that label on one person, does that mean any other potential mate is, in a way, a disappointment? especially if this so-called "GOMD" is not someone who i see myself getting a chance with?

still toying with the idea of sitting out this semester, or this year entirely, and going away to africa. i had a long conversation recently with a friend who has spent some time as a "full-time missionary" (isn't that what we're all called to be, no matter our vocation?). i was seeking some guidance and perspective on my seemingly insane idea to do this. he was helpful and encouraging, all while trying to keep me on the ground about the whole thing. thankful for you, scott w.

i desire for my blogs to not be as random as they are, but i always forget what i really wanted to write about, and think of 10 other things.

mark teixeira is scoring me some major fantasy points today. 3 hr's.

hymn text snippet of the day:

had i the guilt of all the world,
He's able to forgive.
why should i fear?
the debt is paid,
if only i believe.
-william williams

simple, yet beautiful and true.